Okay, I don’t want to sound like that arsehole pointing out the positives in what was truly a horrific year for lots of people, but I realised about halfway through the pandemonium that something was noticeably missing from my brain: FOMO. Specifically, the kind of FOMO that comes from comparing what you’re doing to all of the shiny, exciting things that other people seem to be doing.
Obviously, there was plenty of banana bread and existential crisis going round, but generally most of us weren’t doing much of anything FOMO-worthy. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have this underlying feeling that I was doing life wrong. I was doing what every other rule-following person was doing: keeping my butt inside.
Fast forward to a year later and lots of people seem to be doing *all the things*. Meanwhile, my honest feeling is that I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but it definitely isn’t as exciting as what’s being plastered up and down my social media (not that my Nan’s small 90th birthday gathering wasn’t a rager).
Suddenly, it feels like I’m doing life wrong again. Even though I know social media isn’t reality. Even though people probably aren’t as happy as they look. Even though I know I shouldn’t compare. My brain is telling me every day that life is happening somewhere else, and it’s like I can’t quite figure out how to get there.
In the book How To Do Nothing, Jenny Odell writes about changing the concept of FOMO (fear of missing out) to NOMO (necessity of missing out). That in a world with seemingly endless places to put our attention, we’ve gotta get okay with not seeing, doing, being it all. And that actually when we try to do all the things, we miss some of the much more precious parts of being alive.
I wonder if lots of us are having a period of NOMO right now. Where the collective dust needs to settle a little bit whilst we figure out which parts of our lives still feel like they fit. I know I’m re-learning what I enjoy, what feels worthwhile, what feels like me.
I don’t have anything profound to wrap this newsletter up with other than: what a weird time to be alive! And if you also have any of these feelings swirling around inside of you, hey! My feelings acknowledge your feelings.
Here’s hoping that saying is true: that we don’t miss what’s meant for us. 💜
Questions for the comments: how’s life feeling at the moment? Do you feel quite settled or like things are a bit up in the air? Any FOMO going around?
Oh god yes! And I love the concept of NOMO. I was just telling someone today that I feel more isolated now than I did a year ago because a year ago it seems like everyone was isolating and now I look at my Facebook page and it seems like everybody's on vacation or at concerts or large gatherings and life is happening for them and I'm still stuck at home. I'm on immunosuppressive drugs due to lung disease so I need to act as if I'm not vaccinated even though I am, so I definitely make choices to keep myself safe that don't often line up with everyone else I know. That's really hard and honestly it sucks. I know I'm making the right decision for me, but that doesn't make it any easier.
I’ve been spending some time trying to properly evaluate what I want life to look like, having had everything stripped away. What’s worth adding back in to the mix and what was there pre 2020 that this version of me doesn’t care for anymore?
It’s hard to take that pause when it seems like everyone else is running head first in to every opportunity and every possible instagrammable fun time (FOMO is *rife*), but I hope it’ll be worth it on the other side. Hopefully my life will serve me first rather than my insta grid, we can only hope. 🧡