Is It Just Me Or... Is It Weird That Megan Would Date Someone Who's Changed Their Body So Much?

I don’t tend to go looking for nonsense that gets written about me on the internet. As the saying goes, why Google yourself when you could just set yourself on fire and roll around in broken glass instead? (Okay that saying is actually about weighing yourself, not Googling, but I think it still works!).

Kenny, on the other hand, can dive into the murkiest depths of online forums mentioning him and come out relatively unscathed! I generally ask him not to share what he’s found – because I don’t need that stuff taking up space in my brain – but when he mentioned that he’d seen something quite funny, I said go ahead…

With a little chuckle, he told me that there’s a whole comment thread somewhere discussing how strange it is that someone who believes in body positivity would date someone who’s made so many changes to their body! It makes nO sEnSe!

Whew… there’s a lot going on here.

I trust that most of you reading this probably see the fuckery already, but I thought it might be fun to break it down. Who doesn’t love dismantling bizarre internet bullshit from time to time??

So! Is it weird that someone who believes in body positivity would date a person who happens to have undergone medical and surgical bodily changes in order to affirm their gender identity?

Well, it might be weird if believing in body positivity meant believing that nobody should ever change their body under any circumstances. Like… body immutability? Body frozen-in-time-itivity?

Did anyone else get the memo about that being a part of body positivity? Because I did not.

To me, body positivity is a movement grounded in the belief that all bodies are worthy of respect, safety, representation and care. Regardless of size, shape, shade, gender and gender presentation, age, disability or any other bodily feature, your body has inherent worth because you are in it. And your body deserves to be treated (both personally and societally) in a way that recognises that worth.

We could go round and round for days talking about which bodily changes align with body positivity (and there’s definitely some nuance required when it comes to diet culture and the things we do to our bodies because we’ve been taught that they don’t have worth as they are). But to say that believing in body positivity means being against people making any changes to their body whatsoever is…

…

…

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A leap.

And where is the line drawn? Am I still allowed friends who have their ears pierced? Should I shun anyone I know who gets their eyebrows waxed? What about tattoos? Or even someone who was super into diet culture before I met them and looks different now than they once did? Would it be weird if I dated them? Or is it just surgery that crosses the line?

Perhaps in the minds of these people, Kenny having gender affirming medical and surgical procedures can’t possibly align with my values! Probably because the cosmetic surgery industry - as a whole - profits from our insecurities in the same way the diet industry does. While I have my critiques of the cosmetic surgery industry, there’s a pretty big point here that’s been missed:

Gender affirming surgery (along with reconstructive surgery), is not the same thing as cosmetic surgery that’s done for the sake of chasing the beauty standard alone. Gender affirming care (including surgery) can literally be life saving for many trans and non-binary people. It isn’t sold to billions of people to fix “flaws” that the industry itself created. A person having top surgery to relieve a lifetime of gender dysphoria isn’t the same thing as teenagers suddenly all wanting lip fillers because that’s what the beauty standard happens to be right now, with the cosmetic surgery industry making bank in the process.

So yeah… there’s that.

And maybe this would surprise people, but even if a person had changed their appearance in ways that I don’t believe align with body positivity, I still wouldn’t refuse to interact with them??

Which brings us to our final big flaw in this whole argument: the idea that if someone has gone against body positivity (by changing their body in literally any way, apparently), then it’s not okay to date them.

Listen. I am all for filling your life with people who share your values, and I wouldn’t expect anyone to become besties with someone whose values they find truly offensive. But not being at all open to new connections with people unless they already think, speak and live in exactly the same way as you… Is gonna get kind of lonely.

I’ve definitely had times in my own body acceptance where it hasn’t been helpful to spend lots of time around people who are still actively taking part in diet culture. I’ve also always encouraged people to feel okay about setting those boundaries for their own wellbeing if they need to.

Buuuuut that isn’t quite the same thing as refusing relationships with people who do anything that feels remotely un-body positive… even though that hasn’t even happened here.

Body positivity (at least the body positivity that I believe in), has always been inclusive of gender diversity, however that presents. It recognises that trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming people are treated societally as if they aren’t worthy of respect, safety, representation and care. To reject them from the movement on the grounds that some (not all (and those who don’t are no less valid in their identity)) have changed their bodies doesn’t seem like a genuine concern at all. Seems like someone might just be looking for a convenient excuse to say that a trans person’s existence makes them uncomfortable, if you ask me *sips tea*.

So, in conclusion, is it weird that I would date someone who’s changed their body so much? No, not really.

Is it weird that people would spend their time talking about this in online forums instead of just living their own lives? Yes, yes it is.