I’m so glad you clicked send. You’re not alone, so many of us struggled to switch off over a period that should be ‘happy’. You DESERVE peace and joy. Thank you for being so honest, you’ve certainly made me feel less alone in my thoughts this morning. x
It doesn’t feel like it but, to hold joy and pain in tension is a gift. It’s ok to engage in pain and experience joy; one does not preclude the other. (Contrary to popular belief)
Comparative suffering teaches us to make an exchange of joy for pain. But acknowledging the temporal nature of joy allows us to engage fully in the moment, without ignoring that pain is present.
Thank you so much for writing (and clicking send!) this one, Megan. I understand it doesn’t feel that way, but it is light in its own way. I think maybe light is not happy, but rather truth.
I hope the following comes across in the spirit it’s intended 🧡 Imagine all of the people you follow, admire, or read their work. If they posted something where they were like okayyyyy I’m not feeling good and here’s why and here’s what’s going through my brain, and they apologised for those feelings, what would you think? This is a guess but I am guessing you’d think well alright then, those feelings are valid and they’re how you feel, no need to apologise. And that’s how it is with you, too - your posts DO NOT need to provide your readers with ANYTHING, other than yourself, in whatever form that takes - good, bad, middle, anything. It’s just you and your life, you can’t make it up, it’s what’s there. nobody else can run this blog except you and we are all so here for that 🧡 really hope you’re feeling better soon, those down times are zero fun 😞 xx
Just want you to know you don't sound anything like an arsehole to me, and I'm grateful and honoured that you chose to share with us. Big love ❤️ this too shall pass, even if it doesn't feel like it right now ❤️
Yes yessss yesss to all of this. Thank you for so much for sharing. I am so overwhelmed by the world we live in ALL the time and its exhausting!! The cruelness globally and our savage government. I work for The NHS and I see the depths of how people are struggling, its so depressing and I feel so worried all the time, its very hard to switch off. Sending love to anyone reading this, being a human is wild!
Thank you for clicking send, and for this beautiful post. It’s made me feel a lot less alone after a dark holiday time. I am unable to do things for myself that I need to do and be brave, and me not doing them is making me feel down and consequently also feel like an arsehole. It’s nice to know someone as lovely as you can also have these feelings, and makes me want to be less hard on myself. I hope you find the lightness again soon ❤️
Thank you for clicking 'send' and showing the different things that go on with you, not just the positive ones (which always comes across as false). Sending lots of hugs xx
So appreciate your honesty, MJC. Also, personally can't imagine why anyone would think someone who cares about the environment or worries about others who are less privileged is an arsehole - quite the opposite! Thank you for this mail, and all your posts.
Sending you so much love and warmth. I hope you soon don't feel like you're an arsehole because, you defs aren't one, and in fact are very wonderful and having a very hard time xxxx
You’re absolutely not alone and as always appreciate the honesty:) I’m not sure if this will resonate but I don’t think you have done anything wrong in your routine/mindset/meds/therapy and all that good stuff just because you are human and are affected by the world around you. Our world is going through so many collective traumas and we’re not given enough time to process it.
In the last year I lost my aunt to Covid, quit my extremely stressful career working as a crisis therapist in the emergency department, and helped my partner with their own mental health dip. On top of that I had a lot of unprocessed trauma that combined with everything else took me out at the knees. Literally had no energy. I just sat on the couch and stared wondering what the point to all this suffering is. At the same time knowing if I didn’t have help I would be homeless like all the many people I saw in the emergency department and also who I see outside my window every day. God this world is a lot.
These past few weeks have been the first time that I’ve felt like showing up in a long time. This is all to say that the only thing that helped was time to process and giving myself space to heal. You don’t need to try harder to feel good but rather finally let yourself feel things with the people who can help you process.
Megan you’ve done so much for this world both big and small. My life is forever changed because of your words and that has a tenfold impact. I’ve learned that if we don’t let ourselves feel the good in life we forget what we’re fighting for anyway. Sending all the love during this time.
Oh Megan. Thank you so much as always for your honesty. You’re being so hard on yourself, but it’s something so many of us will recognise and identify with. You bring so much to so many people and I love seeing you look for the help you need to get to a better space! You will get there. Again, thanks for letting us in and helping to normalise feeling shit xx
You're not alone Megan! I was thankfully able to switch off for the holiday but now we're in a new year I'm feeling really unmoored and bleh. I hate new year because either I'm worried this year will be as bad as the last, or if I had a good year (2022 was kind to me) I'm worried this year won't be as good as the last! And then you get thinking about the bigger picture and all the overthinking floods back in. I don't have an answer but at least since having therapy I can spot when the 'not good enough' voice is coming back and try to be kind to myself. Hugs ❤️
1) because it so accurately reflects how I've been feeling for such a long time now, including the guilt about the impact I know I have on my loved ones.
2) because the fact any another human, especially one such as yourself who puts so much good into the world has a brain that feels this way. I wish there was a way for us to help you feel like the wonderful human you are, brains and their chemistry are wonderful horrendous things.
Keep trying to be kind to yourself, know that you have helped and continue to help many many people and that you are doing your best.
I’m so glad you clicked send. You’re not alone, so many of us struggled to switch off over a period that should be ‘happy’. You DESERVE peace and joy. Thank you for being so honest, you’ve certainly made me feel less alone in my thoughts this morning. x
This is so completely normal, tbh it’s probably weirder that people can just completely disconnect from the dumpster fire that is world. But I’m gonna give you the greatest advice I got last year - if we want to tackle these problems we need to keep alive! That’s it. Self care is revolutionary 🙌🏻🙌🏻 love love love https://www.mentalhealthtoday.co.uk/blog/awareness/why-acknowledging-and-celebrating-the-black-feminist-origins-of-self-care-is-essential
It doesn’t feel like it but, to hold joy and pain in tension is a gift. It’s ok to engage in pain and experience joy; one does not preclude the other. (Contrary to popular belief)
Comparative suffering teaches us to make an exchange of joy for pain. But acknowledging the temporal nature of joy allows us to engage fully in the moment, without ignoring that pain is present.
Duality is key. Both/And…not either/or…
Thank you so much for writing (and clicking send!) this one, Megan. I understand it doesn’t feel that way, but it is light in its own way. I think maybe light is not happy, but rather truth.
I hope the following comes across in the spirit it’s intended 🧡 Imagine all of the people you follow, admire, or read their work. If they posted something where they were like okayyyyy I’m not feeling good and here’s why and here’s what’s going through my brain, and they apologised for those feelings, what would you think? This is a guess but I am guessing you’d think well alright then, those feelings are valid and they’re how you feel, no need to apologise. And that’s how it is with you, too - your posts DO NOT need to provide your readers with ANYTHING, other than yourself, in whatever form that takes - good, bad, middle, anything. It’s just you and your life, you can’t make it up, it’s what’s there. nobody else can run this blog except you and we are all so here for that 🧡 really hope you’re feeling better soon, those down times are zero fun 😞 xx
Just want you to know you don't sound anything like an arsehole to me, and I'm grateful and honoured that you chose to share with us. Big love ❤️ this too shall pass, even if it doesn't feel like it right now ❤️
Yes yessss yesss to all of this. Thank you for so much for sharing. I am so overwhelmed by the world we live in ALL the time and its exhausting!! The cruelness globally and our savage government. I work for The NHS and I see the depths of how people are struggling, its so depressing and I feel so worried all the time, its very hard to switch off. Sending love to anyone reading this, being a human is wild!
Thank you for clicking send, and for this beautiful post. It’s made me feel a lot less alone after a dark holiday time. I am unable to do things for myself that I need to do and be brave, and me not doing them is making me feel down and consequently also feel like an arsehole. It’s nice to know someone as lovely as you can also have these feelings, and makes me want to be less hard on myself. I hope you find the lightness again soon ❤️
So much has already been said so well in these comments.
So I’ll just add love and light and gratitude for this space of honesty you, we are creating 💜 xXx
Thank you for clicking 'send' and showing the different things that go on with you, not just the positive ones (which always comes across as false). Sending lots of hugs xx
So appreciate your honesty, MJC. Also, personally can't imagine why anyone would think someone who cares about the environment or worries about others who are less privileged is an arsehole - quite the opposite! Thank you for this mail, and all your posts.
Sending you so much love and warmth. I hope you soon don't feel like you're an arsehole because, you defs aren't one, and in fact are very wonderful and having a very hard time xxxx
You’re absolutely not alone and as always appreciate the honesty:) I’m not sure if this will resonate but I don’t think you have done anything wrong in your routine/mindset/meds/therapy and all that good stuff just because you are human and are affected by the world around you. Our world is going through so many collective traumas and we’re not given enough time to process it.
In the last year I lost my aunt to Covid, quit my extremely stressful career working as a crisis therapist in the emergency department, and helped my partner with their own mental health dip. On top of that I had a lot of unprocessed trauma that combined with everything else took me out at the knees. Literally had no energy. I just sat on the couch and stared wondering what the point to all this suffering is. At the same time knowing if I didn’t have help I would be homeless like all the many people I saw in the emergency department and also who I see outside my window every day. God this world is a lot.
These past few weeks have been the first time that I’ve felt like showing up in a long time. This is all to say that the only thing that helped was time to process and giving myself space to heal. You don’t need to try harder to feel good but rather finally let yourself feel things with the people who can help you process.
Megan you’ve done so much for this world both big and small. My life is forever changed because of your words and that has a tenfold impact. I’ve learned that if we don’t let ourselves feel the good in life we forget what we’re fighting for anyway. Sending all the love during this time.
Oh Megan. Thank you so much as always for your honesty. You’re being so hard on yourself, but it’s something so many of us will recognise and identify with. You bring so much to so many people and I love seeing you look for the help you need to get to a better space! You will get there. Again, thanks for letting us in and helping to normalise feeling shit xx
You're not alone Megan! I was thankfully able to switch off for the holiday but now we're in a new year I'm feeling really unmoored and bleh. I hate new year because either I'm worried this year will be as bad as the last, or if I had a good year (2022 was kind to me) I'm worried this year won't be as good as the last! And then you get thinking about the bigger picture and all the overthinking floods back in. I don't have an answer but at least since having therapy I can spot when the 'not good enough' voice is coming back and try to be kind to myself. Hugs ❤️
Reading this makes me want to cry for two reasons
1) because it so accurately reflects how I've been feeling for such a long time now, including the guilt about the impact I know I have on my loved ones.
2) because the fact any another human, especially one such as yourself who puts so much good into the world has a brain that feels this way. I wish there was a way for us to help you feel like the wonderful human you are, brains and their chemistry are wonderful horrendous things.
Keep trying to be kind to yourself, know that you have helped and continue to help many many people and that you are doing your best.