Hello my loves! 💜
I'm writing to you from Gemma's garden on an unexpectedly sunny Sunday in Essex - we've done the very British thing of immediately stripping off and pretending it's hotter than it is, but it's definitely warm enough and lovely 🌞
In fact, things have felt pretty darn sunny lately all round. April was full of lots of friend time, some fun work things and minimal being mean to myself! Something seemed to shift in my brain a few weeks ago and suddenly I was like “woah… is this what life can be like when I cut myself some slack and take the pressure off?”.
I think part of the shift has been doing some training for a charity that sets up people struggling with their body image with mentors. The training itself was so affirming (learning more of the psychology behind eating disorders and having MANY lightbulb moments!). And being reminded how powerful it can be to support just one person 🥰 but also having the reminder of how much shit I've worked to overcome, and what the hell was the point of all of it if I’m not going to allow myself to just BE, and be okay, now??
So that's what I've been working on this month, allowing myself to be 💖
We started off with some good ol’ fashioned family time!
Including all the usuals: nail painting for Gem, root bleaching for me (shout out mama Crabbe) and lots of Bella snuggles 🐶
I tend to only share the highlights when it comes to Gem, but anyone who's been a carer before knows, it isn't all sunshine all the time. Sometimes it gets really hard and you kind of just have to buckle down and get through it.
Gem's mental health took a hit last month so we've had to navigate some quite extreme emotions and behaviours. But she's doing much better now (she’s sitting next to me as I write this and she says “much much much better”) 💜
And after some time at home it was back to the big city. 🏙️
We've been taking every opportunity to be outside in the little garden behind the flat and Gilbert has even graced us with his presence as well 🐱🥰
I've been more intentional about getting out and shaking my booty whenever I can because it makes SUCH a difference to my brain!!
I've also made some gorgeous friends in the twerk community with a shared interest of moving for our mental health and embracing alllll the jiggle 🍑
Now for some shiny work related things! ✨
I was lucky enough to be invited on a little trip in the run up to the Challengers movie being released. We went to visit Wimbledon (I now know more about the length of grass needed for lawn tennis than I ever thought I would know), had a bougie London hotel stay, and rocked up to the movie premiere in our tennis whites! 🎾
The film itself is SO good, I was damn near shouting at the screen during parts of it 🫣 and having the full experience (ft. many pancakes) was extra special. I am always grateful for this Hannah Montana style life 💖
It was also Lesbian Visibility Week in April which meant bae was very busy being a visible lesbian and I had a few sparkly gay things to go to as well!
We got all dressed up for the Diva Awards, which celebrate queer women & non-binary people doing good work in the community ✨ Joeley was my +1 and Char was there interviewing all the winners! It was a gorgeous night.
Something that I've noticed over the years is that in order to allow myself to enjoy the shiny, sparkly stuff, I need to feel like I'm also doing the meaningful, purpose-driven stuff as well. Otherwise everything feels off balance and I can get quite horrible to myself about it.
The meaningful stuff comes in lots of forms: writing, creating, volunteering, fundraising, public speaking. This month my most meaningful thing was speaking at a march in London put together to raise awareness around eating disorders and campaign the government for better funding, treatment & policies. 👊🏽
The day was emotional as hell. I spoke about my personal recovery experience, I cried as others spoke and we all marched together 💜 I don't know how much notice this government will take, but I know it was powerful to be amongst a group of people who all understood, and who are willing to fight for better. 💜
That's about all from my April! Thank you for wanting to catch up and share some love in this space together 🥰
As always I would LOVE to know how YOU are! Tell us your highs + lows, leave replies for each other if you have capacity, know that we all want good things for you here 💖
Sending the biggest hugs,
M 💜
I have so much I could say right now, but I know if I even start, I’ll start to cry. I’ll keep it short and sweet - after 1 month of inpatient and 4 months of residential, I finally made the step down to PHP treatment for my eating disorder. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for fighting for us. I’m doing it right this time <3
AH, MJC... as always, seeing your insights has made my day!!! It fills me with joy that your April was more sunshiney than rain-stormy... hooray for meaningful things, and sparkling sensationalicious things, yes?! I have had a topsy turvy ride of a few months: cut ties with my abusive mother (gulp!), turned 41 (eek!) and have been asked to vacate my apartment as the landlord is selling. Methinks that's enough for one end-of-autumn period LOL! Having hit my rock-bottom (again?), I am on the climb up and singing Miley Cyrus all the way. Much love to you, MJC, and Gemma, mama Crabbe, Char, and the whole MJC fam - online community included, of course!