Is Anyone There?? Here's ✨MJC-Mail!✨
Bachelorettes, friends & Titanic
Hello my lovely loved loves! 💜
Here I am, writing to you from my desk in my smol London flat, looking out the window at grey skies and wind waving through leaves.
It’s been a very up-and-down time in my brain this month! I’ve had some really deep sads, followed by some lighter patches where I’ve looked back and gone “woah, we’ve been really sad??”. I’m sure, as usual, there have been lots of different contributing factors: the state of the wider world, overthinking work, feeling a bit lost in where I’m going, a few anxiety triggers, pesky hormones and spending too much time online and not enough real rest.
But we’re here! And amongst the sads I’ve still managed to collect some beautiful moments (I do wish my brain had let me be in them more at the time!!).
Let me catch you up and then maybe you can catch me up on how you are and what your world has been feeling like this month!
As always, I am so grateful that you’re here and all holding up this lovely corner of the internet with warmth and kindness - you are the best of us! 🌞
After a rough April, Queen Gem has been back to her smiley, sassy, constantly-cackling self all May! 👑
We’ve had a couple of really solid weekends together, sitting in the sun and watching bad reality TV and seeing the rest of the family! Char always joins my Gemma weekends when she can and brings lots of extra silliness which we’re both grateful for!
We’ve been fitting in as much quality time and mutual self care as we can - we’ve started doing yoga together (when one of us remembers). It was Birmingam Pride last weekend which is Char’s biggest work event of the year (she’s a director there!), and I didn’t think I would be able to make it this year to support, but I managed to get there for the last day! We danced in the rain and thanked all the queer gods when the sun came out. It was a really good day. 🌈
The reason I didn’t catch the first half of Pride is because I was off sleeping in a yurt in the countryside to celebrate a very lovely friend’s hen-do (bachelorette party, for those thinking ‘wtf is a hen-do??’😅).
We did crafts, went wild swimming, busted out the cocktails and sang our hearts out to 00s pop classics and Disney anthems! There was also a Titanic-themed fancy dress party - I went as the door.
I was quite anxious coming into the celebrations - I didn’t know anyone except the bride and I’d just come out of a big sad, so I was not feeling at my most sparkly. But everyone was warm and welcoming, and I think it really helped to get totally out of my usual environment and into some nature! I’m not sure I’m cut out for yurt life, though. It was a long walk across that field to the bathroom.
I had another mini-trip this month with much more indoor plumbing!
Rare Beauty (a make-up brand I love and who donate a shit tonne of their proceeds to supporting mental health charities) invited a handful of creators on a mental health retreat for a couple of days - (at this point of the newsletter I’m thinking wow, you did so much cool stuff this month Megan, wtf is wrong with you? But I guess brains be brainin’, and it’s not always dependent on what’s happening outside!).
It was all so beautiful and very IG-worthy - I made a little video of the trip here. But the absolute highlight was getting to reconnect with Grace Victory, one of the first friends I made in this industry years ago, and someone who’s battled through so much to get to where she is. It felt like such a privilege to witness her in her fullness now, and to still be able to call her a friend. 💜
In fact, friends have definitely been the main theme of my May - birthdays, book launches, bachelorettes, hanging out with them and their kids at the park.
I’m lucky to know some really golden humans. And as someone who used to be so constantly anxious that none of my friends really like me and I’m always disappointing them, it’s real growth to actually sink into my platonic loves and trust that those friendships are real.
And let’s not forget the furry friends as well!
Whew! As usual, putting this newsletter together has helped me take stock of the good things and feel more grateful - thank you for bearing witness and being here for all the emotions!
Your turn, if you feel like it 🤗 how are you? How did May treat you? Any particular highlights or lowlights? The comment section is all yours!
I’ll be back soon and in the meantime please do take the best possible care.
Sending love,
M
💜
It’s so wonderful to see the way that you are able (even in hindsight) at what good has taken place for you despite the big sads that you’ve been navigating!! Here’s hoping next month your brain feels more present and happy and less sad💜 As for me, I have had a rollercoaster of a month that has ended, like all good stories, with a happy ending 😁 I am receiving weekly ketamine infusions and they have turned my depression around and left me feeling…balanced and much lighter!! What a success! In addition, I had the trial run for a new spinal cord device to help the chronic pain from my rare kidney disease and it went swimmingly!! The device will now be permanently implanted along my spinal cord with a battery (doesn’t even need to be charged!) implanted in my hip. I use an iPod to control the strength of the signal to my kidneys and my pain level is SIGNIFICANTLY less!!!! This is a game changer for me and I can’t accurately describe the joy, relief, and hope that this brings to me. I now will be able to accept a volunteer position as a confidential sexual violence advocate, which I inquired about after being raped in January. Not to gloss over the assault, but let’s not give it more attention than it needs. In addition to the volunteer spot, I’ve got a job for the fall answering the 988 hotline which is a mental health crisis line here in the USA. I am beyond excited to use one of my talents (talking lol) and work with one of my passions (mental health) to do my favorite thing in earth (help others!!!!). Again, the idea that I would be able to do these things a year ago would have been laughable. I have struggled through incredible physical and mental pain since my diagnosis and having to go on disability and give up my beloved career. But now I am carving out a new niche for myself and it feels like life is just all around more exciting, with possibilities I never thought would be. So that’s my May and I now look forward to an exciting pride month. As an ally I enjoy wearing all of my rainbow gear and my unity shirts and enjoying the conversations that are sparked by my wardrobe! I will have my permanent implant this month and the sky is the limit after that. This is a monumental time for me and I’m trying to stay as present as possible but I can’t help having my mind in the future and all the things I may be able to do now that I won’t be in constant severe pain amen now that my depression is under control with the ketamine treatments. Thank you for always reminding your readers to look for the good in everything as I am happy to dm right now but more importantly, I’m able to do it when things are rough. The good news and bad news is everything is temporary, no? Sending much love to all💜💜💜💜💜
I love that you don't brush over the hard parts in your updates. It makes me sad, that you're experiencing them, but it's also helpful to have a somewhat realisitc glimpse into someone's life.
Isn't it crazy how fast the brain can snap into a hurtful mode sometimes? I've been going to therapy for years and years and still in my better moments, I can hardly catch myself when I'm not being nice to myself. It just goes to show, that it's a constant practice, being gentle with oneself.
I am two weeks past breakup and still struggling to fathom the fact. But I try to give myself all the time I need to sit in this discomfort. It's a time full of ambivalences for sure.. I want to get better but I also don't want to be happy without him. Ugh.