Oof. This hit me right in the solar plexus because I so know that feeling of coasting along, loving myself, being surrounded by friends and a curated social media without body shaming, and then being smacked upside the head by someone reminding me that a lot of the world is still caught up on a certain ideal of beauty that I very much do not match. I’m sorry you had this happen, and super proud of you for walking yourself through it.
While I think what makes people a good match has nothing to do with looks, I confess I’m absolutely bewildered that anyone would think Char and you aren’t a match in the looks department. You’re both stunning. You don’t look out of place with the frickin actresses you share red carpets and interview rooms with. It’s just sort of melting my brain that anyone would think there was anything lacking in your looks. Like I said, if there was, honestly who cares, but it really is mystifying to me how some people can have such a narrow view of what beauty is. Like you, it makes me both angry and sad. It’s such a pathetic way to judge the value of anyone.
Hopefully sharing this has fully exorcised the demons of self doubt. Thank you for continuing to fight. We need you! ❤️
Sophieeee 😭 you always know exactly how to summarise what I'm trying to express and reflect it back to me in such a useful way - you're dead on about that feeling of *almost* forgetting how the majority of the world operates and then being harshly reminded 😬 and thank you for the reassurance 😘 i appreciate you and knowing that you're there trying to break through the same shit I am here! Big big hugs 💖💖
I had years of this shit when I first started dating my husband...he's 6ft 5in, sporty but doesn't get fat whatever he eats. I'm curvy, big legs and bum, cellulite, no tone, pretty face. For yrs I wondered why he was with me, then I realised I'm awesome! And I go against the grain with my thoughts, I'm chilled out, funny, and have the body of mixed race girl (I look white af but my mum was mixed race.)
He loves that I'm me in any situation..I don't change for people, I'm kind and he loves my big ass! I'm in my 40s now and I wish I had ready worth in my 20s. I think body positivity on social media is giving people a better array of bodies and I bloody love it ♥️
I went to a wedding once and a girl came up to me (I didnt know her) and said: you see that guy over there? She was pointing to my boyfriend. She carried on: I'm gonna take him home tonight. Just watch me.
At first I just stood there shocked. Then I said: oh no, I'm actually going home with him tonight.
She actually scoffed at me. At the thought of him going home with me. I couldn't believe it.
When my boyfriend came over and put his arm around me her face just dropped. Her face couldn't believe that he would be with me. It took me a long time to realise it was a her problem not a me problem. Too long a time actually.
Woahhh Kim that is... 😮 Just absolutely wild and ABSOLUTELY a her problem!! You broke open parts of her brain that have been so conditioned by diet culture. I'm sorry that happened, and I hope she learned from it 💖
I was moved a lot by this, Megan. It might sound strange from an unknown person, but I just have to say that I'm really proud of you. The way you processed everything and talked about it with Char but also with yourself is such an amazing skill. This has built me up so much, you have no idea. This hits exactly what I'm struggling with, now that summer has arrived and I have to deal with all the feelings that come with other people looking at my body. Thank you <3
(side note: when your newsletter arrives I always tell myself, that I don't have the time to comment, I'll just have a quick read. But I always end up commenting right away because your writing moves me so much)
Owh Leno that is so lovely to know 🥲 thank you for reading and commenting even when you don't have time hehe. I'm so glad my processing chimes with you and that we're both here remembering our worth together! We got this 😘💖
The way this had me crying, cheering, fist pumping, and smiling...all the emotions. So proud of you, what you've done for the radical body movement space, and for wlw. On the contrary of this individual, I have looked at you AND char and thought WOW what an incredible relationship, GOALS. And now that I am in a healthy, loving, radical, wlw relationship in which me and partner have very different bodies and are open to much societal judgement, I say FUCK what others think, we've got we're meant to have: FREEDOM and JOY. You and char are inspiring, and nothing less. XO
Wow. This resonated SO much. Such a meaningful reminder that it’s ok to be disoriented and hurt in moments like that because we’re human and also that we can choose to honor the changes in ourselves we’ve worked so hard for.
I feel so sad and perplexed that somehow society is STILL here?!? Thank you for your wisdom and being willing to share your experience. I always feels so seen and validated by you and though you’re a stranger, you are so genuine it feels as if you’re a friend. As others have said, you are truly a gift ❤️
Ashley this comment felt like a hug, thank you 🤗 and you're right, "perplexed" is definitely the feeling! I'm afraid we might be slipping back again with the rise of ozempic and how accessible cosmetic procedures are nowadays. But you're right, it's ok to wobble but we will come back to ourselves 💖
I will forever believe I am not good enough for my husband. That he will find a more staerotypical “fit girl” more attractive than me. It makes me anxious but also paranoid which I know will push him away over time 😭
Owh Charlotte. Do you believe the same about yourself? That you will up and leave him if someone for stereotypically attractive comes along? I am so sure he loves you for a million reasons beyond how you look. And I hope you get lots of reassurance about that whenever you need it - but at some point, you have to choose to believe him! 💖
You only have to believe that forever if you want to. I will be hoping you choose a different path, the one where you instead see yourself as every bit as valuable as you actually are.
I feel this one deeply! Like many of us, I've been on a lifelong journey of fighting disordered eating, body shame, trying to understand my gender identity and sexuality only to be told some bullshit like this. My mom's friend told her that I'm so lucky to have my husband since I'm not feminine at all. Thankfully my aunt was there to shut her down but it really just goes to show you that we've been conditioned to believe that traditional beauty standards outweigh all other values, qualities and accomplishments. You and Char are both so lucky, it's clear you bring out the best in each other. ❤️❤️❤️
Reading your story and reading through the comments makes me incredibly sad that unfortunately we all have had some sort of experience like this. Thank you for creating a safe space for us to be vulnerable and be able to support each other.
Sadly, yes. One comment can do a shit ton of damage. Unless you’re Megan fucking badass Jayne Crabbe! I was SO angry and also sad that this happened to you and Char.
You are one person trying to undo ages of misogyny. It’s a big job. And you are rewriting the rules. Every time you push back against this bullshit, you empower countless others. So keep doing it. Keep raising your voice. Keep demanding the respect you deserve. Keep being unapologetically you.
YES Megan- I am giving a wholehearted, hyped up YAS to every paragraph of that. I am totally cheering you on and I am totally here for you recognising your worth and how much more important it is than anything anyone else has to say. Love this for you Megan and anyone else who is repeating this to themselves 💚
HELL YES MJC!!! I'm so glad you took time to process and feel and recover from this. It's amazing how everything you work for rehabbing your mind from disordered eating can come tumbling down in a moment, but I'm learning that the tumble doesn't matter what you do next does. Thank you for your writing, every time I start to tumble you put out an incredibly written, badass piece of writing that snaps me back. You and Char as a couple are what wet dreams are made of, I mean in the least creepy way possible!
Oof. This hit me right in the solar plexus because I so know that feeling of coasting along, loving myself, being surrounded by friends and a curated social media without body shaming, and then being smacked upside the head by someone reminding me that a lot of the world is still caught up on a certain ideal of beauty that I very much do not match. I’m sorry you had this happen, and super proud of you for walking yourself through it.
While I think what makes people a good match has nothing to do with looks, I confess I’m absolutely bewildered that anyone would think Char and you aren’t a match in the looks department. You’re both stunning. You don’t look out of place with the frickin actresses you share red carpets and interview rooms with. It’s just sort of melting my brain that anyone would think there was anything lacking in your looks. Like I said, if there was, honestly who cares, but it really is mystifying to me how some people can have such a narrow view of what beauty is. Like you, it makes me both angry and sad. It’s such a pathetic way to judge the value of anyone.
Hopefully sharing this has fully exorcised the demons of self doubt. Thank you for continuing to fight. We need you! ❤️
Sophieeee 😭 you always know exactly how to summarise what I'm trying to express and reflect it back to me in such a useful way - you're dead on about that feeling of *almost* forgetting how the majority of the world operates and then being harshly reminded 😬 and thank you for the reassurance 😘 i appreciate you and knowing that you're there trying to break through the same shit I am here! Big big hugs 💖💖
I had years of this shit when I first started dating my husband...he's 6ft 5in, sporty but doesn't get fat whatever he eats. I'm curvy, big legs and bum, cellulite, no tone, pretty face. For yrs I wondered why he was with me, then I realised I'm awesome! And I go against the grain with my thoughts, I'm chilled out, funny, and have the body of mixed race girl (I look white af but my mum was mixed race.)
He loves that I'm me in any situation..I don't change for people, I'm kind and he loves my big ass! I'm in my 40s now and I wish I had ready worth in my 20s. I think body positivity on social media is giving people a better array of bodies and I bloody love it ♥️
I went to a wedding once and a girl came up to me (I didnt know her) and said: you see that guy over there? She was pointing to my boyfriend. She carried on: I'm gonna take him home tonight. Just watch me.
At first I just stood there shocked. Then I said: oh no, I'm actually going home with him tonight.
She actually scoffed at me. At the thought of him going home with me. I couldn't believe it.
When my boyfriend came over and put his arm around me her face just dropped. Her face couldn't believe that he would be with me. It took me a long time to realise it was a her problem not a me problem. Too long a time actually.
Woahhh Kim that is... 😮 Just absolutely wild and ABSOLUTELY a her problem!! You broke open parts of her brain that have been so conditioned by diet culture. I'm sorry that happened, and I hope she learned from it 💖
You are THE Pink haired Baddie and don’t you ever forget that. There is no one way of being a Baddie!
#AllBaddiesAreGoodBaddies!! 💖
I was moved a lot by this, Megan. It might sound strange from an unknown person, but I just have to say that I'm really proud of you. The way you processed everything and talked about it with Char but also with yourself is such an amazing skill. This has built me up so much, you have no idea. This hits exactly what I'm struggling with, now that summer has arrived and I have to deal with all the feelings that come with other people looking at my body. Thank you <3
(side note: when your newsletter arrives I always tell myself, that I don't have the time to comment, I'll just have a quick read. But I always end up commenting right away because your writing moves me so much)
Owh Leno that is so lovely to know 🥲 thank you for reading and commenting even when you don't have time hehe. I'm so glad my processing chimes with you and that we're both here remembering our worth together! We got this 😘💖
The way this had me crying, cheering, fist pumping, and smiling...all the emotions. So proud of you, what you've done for the radical body movement space, and for wlw. On the contrary of this individual, I have looked at you AND char and thought WOW what an incredible relationship, GOALS. And now that I am in a healthy, loving, radical, wlw relationship in which me and partner have very different bodies and are open to much societal judgement, I say FUCK what others think, we've got we're meant to have: FREEDOM and JOY. You and char are inspiring, and nothing less. XO
Janeeee this comment is EVERYTHING. We've got what we're meant to have, you are so so right 🥹💖✨💕
A million times YES! Could not love this more. So grateful for you and all that you share. 🙏🏼❤️🔥💖🌈✨
Wow. This resonated SO much. Such a meaningful reminder that it’s ok to be disoriented and hurt in moments like that because we’re human and also that we can choose to honor the changes in ourselves we’ve worked so hard for.
I feel so sad and perplexed that somehow society is STILL here?!? Thank you for your wisdom and being willing to share your experience. I always feels so seen and validated by you and though you’re a stranger, you are so genuine it feels as if you’re a friend. As others have said, you are truly a gift ❤️
Ashley this comment felt like a hug, thank you 🤗 and you're right, "perplexed" is definitely the feeling! I'm afraid we might be slipping back again with the rise of ozempic and how accessible cosmetic procedures are nowadays. But you're right, it's ok to wobble but we will come back to ourselves 💖
I will forever believe I am not good enough for my husband. That he will find a more staerotypical “fit girl” more attractive than me. It makes me anxious but also paranoid which I know will push him away over time 😭
Owh Charlotte. Do you believe the same about yourself? That you will up and leave him if someone for stereotypically attractive comes along? I am so sure he loves you for a million reasons beyond how you look. And I hope you get lots of reassurance about that whenever you need it - but at some point, you have to choose to believe him! 💖
I hope you know you are awesome and so much more than your body or anxiety!💚
Me too. But we deserve what we have!
You only have to believe that forever if you want to. I will be hoping you choose a different path, the one where you instead see yourself as every bit as valuable as you actually are.
I feel this one deeply! Like many of us, I've been on a lifelong journey of fighting disordered eating, body shame, trying to understand my gender identity and sexuality only to be told some bullshit like this. My mom's friend told her that I'm so lucky to have my husband since I'm not feminine at all. Thankfully my aunt was there to shut her down but it really just goes to show you that we've been conditioned to believe that traditional beauty standards outweigh all other values, qualities and accomplishments. You and Char are both so lucky, it's clear you bring out the best in each other. ❤️❤️❤️
Your husband is really lucky to have such a badass, self-reflective, and authentic human as a partner! (I'm sure he is great too 😘)💖
Reading your story and reading through the comments makes me incredibly sad that unfortunately we all have had some sort of experience like this. Thank you for creating a safe space for us to be vulnerable and be able to support each other.
Love, love how you navigated this difficult round trip back to self-belief and love - thank you for sharing so honestly 💖💖
Sadly, yes. One comment can do a shit ton of damage. Unless you’re Megan fucking badass Jayne Crabbe! I was SO angry and also sad that this happened to you and Char.
You are one person trying to undo ages of misogyny. It’s a big job. And you are rewriting the rules. Every time you push back against this bullshit, you empower countless others. So keep doing it. Keep raising your voice. Keep demanding the respect you deserve. Keep being unapologetically you.
“𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘣𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵.”
YES!!!
So proud of you. Love to you and Char.
🥲 you are the best of us Michele, thank you 💖💖
YES Megan- I am giving a wholehearted, hyped up YAS to every paragraph of that. I am totally cheering you on and I am totally here for you recognising your worth and how much more important it is than anything anyone else has to say. Love this for you Megan and anyone else who is repeating this to themselves 💚
loved this so much ♥️
HELL YES MJC!!! I'm so glad you took time to process and feel and recover from this. It's amazing how everything you work for rehabbing your mind from disordered eating can come tumbling down in a moment, but I'm learning that the tumble doesn't matter what you do next does. Thank you for your writing, every time I start to tumble you put out an incredibly written, badass piece of writing that snaps me back. You and Char as a couple are what wet dreams are made of, I mean in the least creepy way possible!
Hahahaha non-creepy compliment accepted, thank you! And absolutely this - let's just keep getting back up and remembering who tf we are 😘💖