Is It Just Me Or… Do We Not Need To Figure Life Out Before It’s Happened?

“The thing is Megan, you have a tendency to want to figure out how something will end as soon as it’s started, and maybe you’re not always meant to. Maybe you’re meant to be in it, and let it unfold.”

My therapist gently slapped me across the face with that one a few weeks ago. She was (obviously) right - I’ve been taking her on weekly tours of my brain for five years now, so she really does know her way around.

I’m not the best at letting life happen. I want to know exactly how it’s going to go – every detail – before it’s happened.

When I date someone new, I want to decide straight away whether it’s going to work.

When I start a new project, I want to skip ahead to exactly what it will look like finished.

When I moved to a new place, I wanted to explore the entire area on the first day. Not for the experience of exploring, but just so I could know exactly where everything was and how it worked. So that there was no unknown left.

My brain likes to tell me that if we figure it all out before it’s started, nothing can go wrong.

Then life laughs in my brain’s face and says that’s just not how it works, babe.

It’s not possible to figure out everything before it’s happened, and my therapist was right: even if we could figure it all out beforehand, we’d miss out on the experience of actually being in it. Which might be the point in itself.

Like maybe the point of dating is to experience getting to know a new person, not to lock down your plans for the next 40 years.

Maybe the point of starting a new project is to feel inspired by the creating, not to rush through to the final piece.

Maybe the point of getting older is to learn what you’re meant to learn along the way, not to skip to the last page.

Maybe figuring everything out isn’t the point, maybe just being in it is the point.

My therapist said something else that day, too. She said that even if I could figure everything out ahead of time, I’d be doing myself a disservice. That I’m meant to be enjoying my life as it happens, even when I don’t know what comes next.

Today I went for a walk. I bought a slice of tiramisu cake from a bakery I’ve never been in before. I went to an art shop and enjoyed all the colours (even though I don’t know how to use most of them). I wrote something to put on the internet that might be helpful to someone or might just be noise (hi). I’m gonna let the rest of my day happen now, and I’m not gonna know exactly what comes next.

I haven’t got it all figured out in advance. I’m trying to get okay with that. (At least there’s a solid chance of cake in my future).

Love,

M