Is It Just Me Or... Does Anyone Else not Want Comments about their Weight AT ALL??
Seriously, it's not a compliment...
"You look like you've lost weight!" was said to me twice last week. Both times, I gently responded: ah, that's not something I pay attention to or see as a compliment 🤗 and changed the topic.
I tried to shake it off, but the comments wormed into my brain and put a question mark over my body...
Have I somehow gotten smaller?
Have I changed something about my routine that’s lead to me getting smaller?
Do other people think I’ve gotten smaller, and worse: do they see me as some kind of sell-out who’s resubscribed to diet culture?
The thoughts followed me as I went for a walk, made myself lunch, got dressed to go to an event, had my picture taken when I got there…
To me, body size is not something that I ever want to actively focus on or intentionally change again. I live my life, have a healthy relationship with food and I move for joy - whatever happens to my body as a result of that is besides the point. The body is not the point.
And I would NEVER want to be perceived as actively pursuing a smaller body after all these years speaking against diet culture and for body acceptance.
And the wildest part about it is that I don’t even think I have lost weight. I think it’s just something that people reach for so naturally as a “compliment” (and maybe assume I would be flattered by, as a chunky gal??).
But honestly, whether or not my body has changed size is not something I even want to think about. It's not something I need other people to bring attention to. And it really isn't something I take as a compliment.
It’s made me freshly aware of how important it is to just steer away from body related comments altogether, especially as we enter the holiday season and will probably be seeing people we haven’t seen for a while. Let’s try to not put all the emphasis on appearance. Let's talk about any of the THOUSANDS of more interesting things: people’s passions, their relationships, their goals, their thoughts. I know I would much rather tell someone all about my virtual farm life in Stardew Valley than talk about whether my body is a different size.
Let’s allow those of us who have divested our attention away from our body size to continue not giving a fuck.
Love, a happily chunky, funky & unbothered girlie 💜
I gotta say I also really dislike comments about my body size, and I'm very deliberate about not commenting on anyone else's, even in ways that seem innocuous like height. But kind of for the opposite reason-- because despite all the work and unlearning I've been doing, I still get something like a hit of dopamine when someone tells me I look small/whatever to them. And I can feel all the old scripts clicking in: am I smaller than I thought? How can I preserve this smallness? Etc. One big reason I don't want anyone to compliment my body shape/size is because it positions me to start subconsciously worrying that I'll lose whatever quality they've seen in my body.
I always feel so conflicted by this. As a person in a larger body, I don't give a shit anymore what people think of me and I don't focus on weight. AND I desperately need a double lung transplant at some point and they will not let me even talk to a transplant team until my body is a BMI of 30 or lower, which means losing another 40 lbs. I refuse to do anything stupid or drastic to lose weight, and I hate that I even have to think about my weight so I can get medical care. So if someone tells me I look thinner, it sometimes makes me feel good because I think I might be closer t that goal, but it's so conflicting in my diet-adverse brain. Ugh.