I'm in a bus home right now and honestly sending this to everyone I can think about, it resonated so much, thank you...! ❤️
I have a complicated relationship with blame and feeling just more stupid then people around me (I'm a PhD student so 😅🤦♀️), slowly trying to grow my skin again after some tough times - and notes like yours helps so so much ❤️
Yes Emily! I think often the first step is standing up to our own internalised voice - living in pain shame and guilt isn't serving anyone, least of all ourselves 💜
I have never been one to have a huge online presence, but I still relate to this so much in other areas of my life. One of the things that really helped me was to learn about the fawn response to trauma (as opposed to fight/flight/freeze). I highly recommend looking into Sam Dylan Finch's writing on the topic as a great starting point if this is new to you. Hopefully this information can help you to show more compassion to yourself when facing these struggles.
As always, you hit the nail on the head. I had a large online presence a few years ago, and even after four years of shutting down my “alter ego” and choosing a more subtle life, I still remember the mean comments and the many ways people told me I could be/do better/more.
I am slowly healing from that self-created life and I’m much happier in relative anonymity.
I hope I can remember to stand up for myself more often. It’s empowering when I do, but it takes a bit for me to remember.
I feel like I’m seeing this a lot from people with a platform and an empathetic personality type. They stood up for what they believed in and then it was like “but what about xyz problems in the world that you haven’t also addressed?! If you REALLY cared you would post about that too!” And it’s like, come on, where is the line? You can’t take on every issue in the world and stay sane. You have to at some point prioritise self care. I’m so glad you’ve found balance and confidence in yourself and your abilities again. 💚
Absolutely this! I've noticed these people going one of two ways: they see through the unreasonable bullshit and stand up for themselves and their right to be there, or they've just gone - so many people I used to love following just stopped showing up around 2020/2021, I imagine because of the intense pressure to be everything for everyone. Thank you for seeing through the bullshit and supporting me to be able to do the same! 💜
Hear hear!!👏🏻 Our society teaches women to be codependent, so when we get healthy we’re often viewed as selfish or uncaring. It takes most of us years of unlearning to stand up for ourselves, so big kudos to you for doing that. We need more people walking away from this toxic idea that we owe everyone something.
"Our society teaches women to be codependent" - this is SO true and not an expression I've seen before! Do you mind sharing if it came from somewhere like a book? Or more of a personal realisation? Either way, hit the nail on the head Sophie! 💜
Well, like most things I probably pulled it from multiple places and things I’ve thought about over the years. I remember watching part of an old YouTube video where Melody Beattie talked about codependency being so normal we just see it as “politeness” or whatever. I remember reading or hearing other things about codependency (sorry I cannot remember which things exactly) and realizing like wow! My mom literally taught us to be codependent! (Things like teaching us not just to listen to the words someone says “sure it’s fine if you come to visit” and instead “reading between the lines” and deciding if the person actually meant it or not. Always sacrificing our own needs and wants so someone else wouldn’t have to be hurt or anything etc.) As to my statement that society teaches women to be that, that’s the combo of all of the above, lord knows how many bits and pieces from everywhere, and my own and others’ experiences in being raised as a girl in this society, and how it teaches us to be responsible for other people’s feelings. I know this isn’t very concise or coherent, but I hope it answers your question well enough :)
I don’t suppose I will ever understand how you are able to be a sensitive, thoughtful, beautiful soul in the world and manage to show up on social media. Sending you so much love (as always), and knowing that there’s actually nothing at all wrong with your wonderful spine, and lots of things weird about how our human world is evolving
I'm in a bus home right now and honestly sending this to everyone I can think about, it resonated so much, thank you...! ❤️
I have a complicated relationship with blame and feeling just more stupid then people around me (I'm a PhD student so 😅🤦♀️), slowly trying to grow my skin again after some tough times - and notes like yours helps so so much ❤️
Thank you for reading and sharing Olga! Lots of love + support coming from me as you work on that new skin, we got this 💜
I feel all of this. Internalizing blame gives a sense of control. There are so many complicated layers to sort through.
Thank you Megan for these messages.
So many! Good job we're absolute badasses who can do anything 💜
So true
I'm proud of you! I struggle with internalizing blame too, and it brings me nothing but pain and shame and guilt. ☹️
So as of today, I'm going to work on not doing that anymore, starting with your advice: stand up for myself.
Yes Emily! I think often the first step is standing up to our own internalised voice - living in pain shame and guilt isn't serving anyone, least of all ourselves 💜
I have never been one to have a huge online presence, but I still relate to this so much in other areas of my life. One of the things that really helped me was to learn about the fawn response to trauma (as opposed to fight/flight/freeze). I highly recommend looking into Sam Dylan Finch's writing on the topic as a great starting point if this is new to you. Hopefully this information can help you to show more compassion to yourself when facing these struggles.
Thank u for the tip Kim! Have followed Sam for years so appreciate the pointer! 💜
As always, you hit the nail on the head. I had a large online presence a few years ago, and even after four years of shutting down my “alter ego” and choosing a more subtle life, I still remember the mean comments and the many ways people told me I could be/do better/more.
I am slowly healing from that self-created life and I’m much happier in relative anonymity.
I hope I can remember to stand up for myself more often. It’s empowering when I do, but it takes a bit for me to remember.
Thank you for the timely reminder.
Good luck with your continuing healing xx
I don't think it's possible for me to love this post more.
💜💜💜
I feel like I’m seeing this a lot from people with a platform and an empathetic personality type. They stood up for what they believed in and then it was like “but what about xyz problems in the world that you haven’t also addressed?! If you REALLY cared you would post about that too!” And it’s like, come on, where is the line? You can’t take on every issue in the world and stay sane. You have to at some point prioritise self care. I’m so glad you’ve found balance and confidence in yourself and your abilities again. 💚
Absolutely this! I've noticed these people going one of two ways: they see through the unreasonable bullshit and stand up for themselves and their right to be there, or they've just gone - so many people I used to love following just stopped showing up around 2020/2021, I imagine because of the intense pressure to be everything for everyone. Thank you for seeing through the bullshit and supporting me to be able to do the same! 💜
I did worry you were gonna just close up shop too. But I’m glad you’re still here. 🥰
Hear hear!!👏🏻 Our society teaches women to be codependent, so when we get healthy we’re often viewed as selfish or uncaring. It takes most of us years of unlearning to stand up for ourselves, so big kudos to you for doing that. We need more people walking away from this toxic idea that we owe everyone something.
"Our society teaches women to be codependent" - this is SO true and not an expression I've seen before! Do you mind sharing if it came from somewhere like a book? Or more of a personal realisation? Either way, hit the nail on the head Sophie! 💜
Well, like most things I probably pulled it from multiple places and things I’ve thought about over the years. I remember watching part of an old YouTube video where Melody Beattie talked about codependency being so normal we just see it as “politeness” or whatever. I remember reading or hearing other things about codependency (sorry I cannot remember which things exactly) and realizing like wow! My mom literally taught us to be codependent! (Things like teaching us not just to listen to the words someone says “sure it’s fine if you come to visit” and instead “reading between the lines” and deciding if the person actually meant it or not. Always sacrificing our own needs and wants so someone else wouldn’t have to be hurt or anything etc.) As to my statement that society teaches women to be that, that’s the combo of all of the above, lord knows how many bits and pieces from everywhere, and my own and others’ experiences in being raised as a girl in this society, and how it teaches us to be responsible for other people’s feelings. I know this isn’t very concise or coherent, but I hope it answers your question well enough :)
I don’t suppose I will ever understand how you are able to be a sensitive, thoughtful, beautiful soul in the world and manage to show up on social media. Sending you so much love (as always), and knowing that there’s actually nothing at all wrong with your wonderful spine, and lots of things weird about how our human world is evolving
I LOVE YOU