Is It Just Me Or… Is It Too Easy To Convince Ourselves That People Want To See Us Fail?

Guys, I had a spiral last night. A big ol’ WhatAmIDoingNobodyLikesMeEverythingIMakeIsAwfulI’veGotNothingGoodToSayI’mNotHelpingAnyoneIShouldQuitEverythingMoveHomeGetAnotherDogAndStartOver spiral.

I’d love to say that after nearly 10 years as a content creator I am immune to things such as likes and comments and engagement getting to me but the truth is, if I’m already teetering on the edge of a not-feeling-good-enough day, those numbers are still pretty good at tipping me over the edge.

And over the years my brain has cobbled together a bit of a pattern: whenever I share things online that feel like exciting opportunities, or big work wins, or god forbid an ad (which are still the way I pay my bills), people just don’t like it.

And while I understand that everyone is allowed to not like seeing certain content or lean away from things that don’t make them feel good, it seems to me that whenever I’m sharing something that could be perceived as a good thing for me, the lack or support speaks volumes. The numbers tell me that people like me when I’m helping them feel good, or sharing my trauma, but not when good things happen for me. And man, that feels horrible.

I guess the reality is that there are plenty of people who don’t like to see other people win. Social media is a perfect place for negative comparison, hate-following and falling into a scarcity mindset of believing that someone else getting something good means it’s being taken away from us.

But I also have to believe in the opposite: that there are people who like you and therefore want to see good things happen for you. Want to see you thrive. Want to follow along not only for your trauma but also for your joy. I have to believe that. And regardless of how it seems other people see me, I have to want to see myself win.

I have to practice being proud instead of feeling guilty. I have to stand in my joy instead of making it smaller for fear of not being liked. I have to believe that I deserve good things, otherwise I fall into the spiral – and I already know that the spiral leads nowhere good.

I’m very aware in writing this that this is an incredibly privileged problem to have and that there are far greater things to be concerned with, but I’m hoping you don’t mind me working through the feelings here, since you always hold what I write to you with compassion and care. 💜

So, in case nobody has told you today: I actually do want to see you win. I want you to lean into the good things life offers you. I want you to be proud of the things you do. I want you to advocate for you. And I want you to know that there are other people who feel that way, too.

Keep wanting to see yourself win, and I’ll try to as well.

Love,

M

💜