I love it when you share your wins, it energizes me. And maybe it helps to know that social media is build on algorithms that thrive on negative things and positive things don’t get the attention it deserves. A good book that explains all that is The Chaos Machine from Max Fischer. Really opened my eyes to the social media algorithms and made me think that likes etc do not say anything. Love you loads!!
You are absolutely right Kelly! The algorithms want the most extreme/divisive/ridiculous stuff so the engagement on any given thing is rarely going to be an accurate reflection of what is truly good or liked - thank you for the reminder (it's hard to remember when you're in it everyday!) 💖
I was getting ready to leave for the day when I saw your email. I dropped everything to sit down and answer immediately.
At the end of the day, the most important person in your world is YOU. Full stop.
I LOVE seeing you celebrate your wins! And I want to stand with you in your joy. You DO deserve good things! And you should never feel the need to explain yourself to anyone.
I, and the others in this community you've created, care deeply about you and are here to lift you up when you feel like you're teetering. It's a safe space.
You've got this and we've got you. Sending much love :)
Owh Michele I am always so so grateful for the time and kindness you give to me and others here - you really are evidence that these thoughts of mine aren't always true, and I can't thank you for that enough 💖💖
While it is helpful when you share your trauma, it is just as helpful, if not more, when you share your triumph. I love seeing you win and I find your joy infectious in the best possible way. Sending hugs and hoping this spiral passes quickly. 💜💜💜
Def here for all of it…your emails always make me smile before I even open them bc I can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to. And Sam is actually my niece🤣 She called me Ray Ray growing up because she couldn’t say Rachel. I changed my screen name to rachelizabethsari so I didn’t disappear, same me, new name😊
"I have to practice being proud instead of feeling guilty." Megan - the mom in me is about to start talking.... THIS IS SO TRUE!!!!! You have accomplished great things and deserve to enjoy them! People SUCK. I hate people. I also love them dearly... but for the most part, we SUCK! You deserve JOY. You deserve to feel proud of the great things you get to do - YOU HAVE EARNED IT! You are a daily delight in my little online world and I am grateful every day that I started following you. You inspire me EVERY day. Revel in your good stuff... we LOVE to see it! With so much love.......
Jill 🥲 this made me chuckle and get a bit teary and just generally felt like a big encouraging hug of a comment. Thank you 💖 please allow the mom in you to start talking whenever she feels because this was that 😅 and I hope you're applying all these things to yourself as well!!! 💖💖
I have been thinking about this SO often on both the giving and receiving end!! And not to make it a case of "hurt people hurt people" (because it's true, but it doesn't make saying cruel things on the internet okay), I have noticed that I am less likely to default to joy about other people's good news when I feel dissatisfied with how my life is going -- not necessarily any specific metric related to what they post, like a job when I don't have one or a relationship post when I'm single and lonely, but an overall "I don't feel like what I'm doing has meaning and brings me joy, and so when OTHER people find that (or seem to have it in a social media post), it reminds me of my own dissatisfaction and makes me upset". Even though I've learned to recognize that thought pattern and try to stop it by thinking about what I can do to enjoy my own life, it still creeps up on me.
Also, I wonder if we haven't overemphasized that people should feel comfortable to share their pain to an extent that now people feel obligated to share their pain and bad about sharing their joy. Reminds me of something I wrote in my journal a few years ago: "the world told me it needed my pain / to tell it what was broken / and never told me / that it desperately needed my joy, too / to tell it what to keep when it built itself back up again".
All this to say that on my better days, I smile and jump around at your joy and the joy of all my internet people, and that people like you help me to have more of those better days. <3
Wow Jenna that journey entry 😵 SO powerful and true and brilliantly written. So many people need to see that. And I agree with you completely - I find myself slipping into those feelings sometimes too, and I've genuinely found that the best way to counteract them is to push myself to be actively happy for those people, rather than letting the negative comparison + jealousy faster. It flicks a switch for me to cheer for them, even when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. 💖💖
I want to see you win😀 and have and enjoy the good things in life ❤️I like what you write and I think your position in the limelight some of the time must be tough. Just stay around people who do you good and I know it’s easier said than done (from experience) forget the rest. You have a good heart, a good soul, so follow them and 🖕🏽to what others think 💕
Thank you Remi 😘 I appreciate this and you're right - staying around the good people makes a hell of a lot of difference (and maybe being more mindful of my scroll time for a bit!) 💖
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about joy, success, and the ways we keep ourselves in suffering because it’s been so ingrained in us to believe that suffering is somehow noble. I’ve also been thinking a lot about how when we start stepping out of that narrative OH BOY do people have feelings about it. You know how pissed people get when you allow yourself to be happy as a fat person because you’re breaking the rules of diet culture and the idea that you only get to be happy if you suffer enough to be skinny? Turns out people do that about other things too. People will mock you for going after work you love instead of suffering through a job all day. After all, isn’t part of being a responsible adult suffering through your damn job and complaining about it? People will watch you travel and think bitterly “must be nice” even when they’ve got thousands of dollars in savings. Watching someone go after what they want and get it when it doesn’t fit the “rules” of tirelessly working for years makes people angry. Here they’ve been, thanklessly following the rules of “responsible adulthood under capitalism” for all this time, and you have the audacity to break free and be happy while you’re still young enough to enjoy it. How dare? Anyway, this is getting long, and doesn’t necessarily explain what’s going on with Instagram numbers, but just remember that any person you “lose” because you’ve allowed yourself to be happy is just opening space for someone to enter your life who delights in your joy. I am becoming more and more convinced that living in true, authentic joy will change us and the world more than anything else. So thank you for sharing your struggles, but also thank you for shining the light on joy, and giving us something to hope for too <3
Sophie, you are a brilliantly insightful thinker and a beautiful writer. Seriously, where are you writing outside of these comments because I am always so interested and reassured by how you explain things and would read a whole book of it! I think about this a lot as well - the idea of owing the world sadness because that is the noble/responsible/humble way to be and show that you are good/compassionate/aware of your privileges. But staying there doesn't help anyone or anything - at the end of it all are we really doing to look back and think that we did a good service to the world by staying sad? Rah, such an ingrained pattern to break out of! 💖💖
Megan, this means so much coming from you, someone whose words have had such an impact on my life. I’ve actually fairly recently begun doing a substack—“growing up weird” it should show up by my name here, I think—which started off as being stories from my weird childhood and life, but I’m starting a “Thursday thoughts” edition where I just talk about things I’m thinking about too. It’s still very much in its fledgling state, as I’m working on finding what works for me and how I want to share things, as well as figuring out this writing thing!
There are people that love seeing you win! As nice as it is to know we are not alone in feeling shit sometimes, I love the updates when you share all the beautiful things in your life and the cool things you've been doing. Its so awesome to see you on red carpets and interviewing celebs! But I also love the non work related wins. Being loved up or living your best life with Gemma.
🥲 thank you Hope! I love the non-work related winsl (they're the true wins, really) and it's reassuring to know people see that as well! Sending you a big grateful hug 💖💖
I honestly don’t know how (as a genuine, open, honest, beautiful-hearted being) you survive out there on the mean streets of SM
I want you to remember FOR EVER that you are worthy and loved and valuable even if you stayed all day every day curled in your duvet crying onto your pillowcase
Damn these mean streets!! Thank you 🥲 I was actually talking about you and Bodykind the other day after finding the beautiful embroidered pin you gave me back then as I was clearly out my old wardrobe - I've brought it to sit pride in place above my bed here in London as a reminder of how much good can be created irl (not in the mean sm streets!) and how meaningful what you did was and is 💖💖
It's so sad that there are people who not only resent your triumphs but even feel the need to lambast you for them.
And it's a sad truth that often people are more galvanised to respond to things that grind their gears than things they feel good about. I have to admit for myself (not proud of this) that a number of times I've wanted to respond positively to something you've shared and I've put it off, thinking oh well, I'll be lost in a sea of admiring voices and won't really mean much. Sadly, if we all think that then the negativity wins 😞
Please keep sharing your wins; you're amazing and inspire me all the time.
Rachel thank you so much for saying this. And (hopefully goes without saying!) I wouldn't want you to feel bad for not always engaging - we all have limited energy and sometimes we just want a backseat scroll! But I do really appreciate you taking the time to leave some positivity and help outweigh the nonsense 💖💖
Thank you for sharing here Megan! It can be scary speaking about our accomplishments at the best of times especially as women/female-identifying folks because of the messages we receive from society. It takes a lot to be openly proud of ourselves, and it can be really hard when we do not receive validation and excitement in return. I hope that you feel held in this space by the many voices who do appreciate your work and who do appreciate you, and I know that for myself reading these comments and engaging in this conversation has definitely made me feel more empowered to share my accomplishments regardless of how they are met. XO
I'm so glad you feel that Jane, I'm feeling it too, these comments are SO encouraging (including yours!!) and thank you for the reminder that of COURSE societal conditioning and unlearning smallness plays into this as well - let's keep going 💖💖
I can’t tell you how reassuring and affirming your newsletters are for me and I’m sure they take plenty of time and energy for you to write, so I just want to say thank you. I value you so much.
I am so inspired by everything you do and love to see you thriving. It gives me hope that better things will come my way as well. Keep going for people like me and I'll keep going for people like you. 💜🩷💜🩷
I LOVE your wins, your joy, your laughter, seeing you with your neighbours' cat, seeing you THRIVE because you deserve it. I look forward to your newsletter like an yearly advent calendar with the joy of a six years old waiting for their dinosaur plushie.
I am so sorry to read that you are not immune to people's reaction of fear when you post about your wins and happiness. I reckon people are triggered to see it because they think it came easy, and have no idea how to (or do not want to) work for it. Which isn't an excuse to be rude !!!!!!
Thank you. Thank YOU for sharing everything with us. The good, the bad, the in-between, the terrifying and the adorable. Thank you for exposing yourself, making yourself vulnerable everyday for our sake. I like to believe that your content makes me a better person, that your infectious joy and strength inspires me to give everything and everyone my all.
Oh Coline, this comment really made me teary! Wow. Thank you for this massively generous and beautiful reassurance. I wish I could give you a hug!! "Reaction of fear" is so insightful and a helpful reframe, thank you! Sending love and I will keep the advent calendar coming! 💖
Oh Megan, I'm so sorry that the Internet has made you feel this way. Absolutely you are valid in celebrating your accomplishments and should be proud when you have success. 🙌 Unfortunately the way algorithms work encourages some of humanity's less desirable characteristics - rage baiting, drama, controversy... But what matters is that the people who love you are there to hold you up and celebrate you. That the community who appreciates you is supportive. I hope this doesn't discourage you from basking in the light of your hard work and well deserved accomplishments. 👏
I can totally relate to feeling like you have to downplay or make yourself smaller when something good is happening in your life, it's part of how the patriarchy has conditioned us (which I've learned to acknowledge and challenge in large part because of the influence you've had on my life!).
But let me be here to testify that I absolutely love to see you flourish, you deserve it all and more. Sending so much love 🩷💜🩵
Samantha this comment is so reassuring and wonderful and WISE. Thank you for these reminders (algorithms, patriarchy, gah), very difficult to see these things clearly when we're in them!
I appreciate you and the energy you give me and others here, I hope you are giving this same energy to yourself as well because you are fucking great and deserve to feel that 💖✨💖
I love it when you share your wins, it energizes me. And maybe it helps to know that social media is build on algorithms that thrive on negative things and positive things don’t get the attention it deserves. A good book that explains all that is The Chaos Machine from Max Fischer. Really opened my eyes to the social media algorithms and made me think that likes etc do not say anything. Love you loads!!
You are absolutely right Kelly! The algorithms want the most extreme/divisive/ridiculous stuff so the engagement on any given thing is rarely going to be an accurate reflection of what is truly good or liked - thank you for the reminder (it's hard to remember when you're in it everyday!) 💖
Megan,
I was getting ready to leave for the day when I saw your email. I dropped everything to sit down and answer immediately.
At the end of the day, the most important person in your world is YOU. Full stop.
I LOVE seeing you celebrate your wins! And I want to stand with you in your joy. You DO deserve good things! And you should never feel the need to explain yourself to anyone.
I, and the others in this community you've created, care deeply about you and are here to lift you up when you feel like you're teetering. It's a safe space.
You've got this and we've got you. Sending much love :)
Owh Michele I am always so so grateful for the time and kindness you give to me and others here - you really are evidence that these thoughts of mine aren't always true, and I can't thank you for that enough 💖💖
We are so grateful you are still here in this moment sharing your struggles you are not alone we are all here for you 💕
While it is helpful when you share your trauma, it is just as helpful, if not more, when you share your triumph. I love seeing you win and I find your joy infectious in the best possible way. Sending hugs and hoping this spiral passes quickly. 💜💜💜
Thank you Sam 💖 always grateful for the love you pour here and reassuring you know that you're here for all of it!! 💖
Def here for all of it…your emails always make me smile before I even open them bc I can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to. And Sam is actually my niece🤣 She called me Ray Ray growing up because she couldn’t say Rachel. I changed my screen name to rachelizabethsari so I didn’t disappear, same me, new name😊
"I have to practice being proud instead of feeling guilty." Megan - the mom in me is about to start talking.... THIS IS SO TRUE!!!!! You have accomplished great things and deserve to enjoy them! People SUCK. I hate people. I also love them dearly... but for the most part, we SUCK! You deserve JOY. You deserve to feel proud of the great things you get to do - YOU HAVE EARNED IT! You are a daily delight in my little online world and I am grateful every day that I started following you. You inspire me EVERY day. Revel in your good stuff... we LOVE to see it! With so much love.......
Jill 🥲 this made me chuckle and get a bit teary and just generally felt like a big encouraging hug of a comment. Thank you 💖 please allow the mom in you to start talking whenever she feels because this was that 😅 and I hope you're applying all these things to yourself as well!!! 💖💖
I have been thinking about this SO often on both the giving and receiving end!! And not to make it a case of "hurt people hurt people" (because it's true, but it doesn't make saying cruel things on the internet okay), I have noticed that I am less likely to default to joy about other people's good news when I feel dissatisfied with how my life is going -- not necessarily any specific metric related to what they post, like a job when I don't have one or a relationship post when I'm single and lonely, but an overall "I don't feel like what I'm doing has meaning and brings me joy, and so when OTHER people find that (or seem to have it in a social media post), it reminds me of my own dissatisfaction and makes me upset". Even though I've learned to recognize that thought pattern and try to stop it by thinking about what I can do to enjoy my own life, it still creeps up on me.
Also, I wonder if we haven't overemphasized that people should feel comfortable to share their pain to an extent that now people feel obligated to share their pain and bad about sharing their joy. Reminds me of something I wrote in my journal a few years ago: "the world told me it needed my pain / to tell it what was broken / and never told me / that it desperately needed my joy, too / to tell it what to keep when it built itself back up again".
All this to say that on my better days, I smile and jump around at your joy and the joy of all my internet people, and that people like you help me to have more of those better days. <3
Wow Jenna that journey entry 😵 SO powerful and true and brilliantly written. So many people need to see that. And I agree with you completely - I find myself slipping into those feelings sometimes too, and I've genuinely found that the best way to counteract them is to push myself to be actively happy for those people, rather than letting the negative comparison + jealousy faster. It flicks a switch for me to cheer for them, even when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. 💖💖
Thank you! Yes, I definitely agree -- here's to mutually celebrating our joys!
Fantastic message ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! <3
I want to see you win😀 and have and enjoy the good things in life ❤️I like what you write and I think your position in the limelight some of the time must be tough. Just stay around people who do you good and I know it’s easier said than done (from experience) forget the rest. You have a good heart, a good soul, so follow them and 🖕🏽to what others think 💕
Thank you Remi 😘 I appreciate this and you're right - staying around the good people makes a hell of a lot of difference (and maybe being more mindful of my scroll time for a bit!) 💖
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about joy, success, and the ways we keep ourselves in suffering because it’s been so ingrained in us to believe that suffering is somehow noble. I’ve also been thinking a lot about how when we start stepping out of that narrative OH BOY do people have feelings about it. You know how pissed people get when you allow yourself to be happy as a fat person because you’re breaking the rules of diet culture and the idea that you only get to be happy if you suffer enough to be skinny? Turns out people do that about other things too. People will mock you for going after work you love instead of suffering through a job all day. After all, isn’t part of being a responsible adult suffering through your damn job and complaining about it? People will watch you travel and think bitterly “must be nice” even when they’ve got thousands of dollars in savings. Watching someone go after what they want and get it when it doesn’t fit the “rules” of tirelessly working for years makes people angry. Here they’ve been, thanklessly following the rules of “responsible adulthood under capitalism” for all this time, and you have the audacity to break free and be happy while you’re still young enough to enjoy it. How dare? Anyway, this is getting long, and doesn’t necessarily explain what’s going on with Instagram numbers, but just remember that any person you “lose” because you’ve allowed yourself to be happy is just opening space for someone to enter your life who delights in your joy. I am becoming more and more convinced that living in true, authentic joy will change us and the world more than anything else. So thank you for sharing your struggles, but also thank you for shining the light on joy, and giving us something to hope for too <3
Sophie, you are a brilliantly insightful thinker and a beautiful writer. Seriously, where are you writing outside of these comments because I am always so interested and reassured by how you explain things and would read a whole book of it! I think about this a lot as well - the idea of owing the world sadness because that is the noble/responsible/humble way to be and show that you are good/compassionate/aware of your privileges. But staying there doesn't help anyone or anything - at the end of it all are we really doing to look back and think that we did a good service to the world by staying sad? Rah, such an ingrained pattern to break out of! 💖💖
Megan, this means so much coming from you, someone whose words have had such an impact on my life. I’ve actually fairly recently begun doing a substack—“growing up weird” it should show up by my name here, I think—which started off as being stories from my weird childhood and life, but I’m starting a “Thursday thoughts” edition where I just talk about things I’m thinking about too. It’s still very much in its fledgling state, as I’m working on finding what works for me and how I want to share things, as well as figuring out this writing thing!
I absolutely loved reading this, thank you for writing it!!
There are people that love seeing you win! As nice as it is to know we are not alone in feeling shit sometimes, I love the updates when you share all the beautiful things in your life and the cool things you've been doing. Its so awesome to see you on red carpets and interviewing celebs! But I also love the non work related wins. Being loved up or living your best life with Gemma.
🥲 thank you Hope! I love the non-work related winsl (they're the true wins, really) and it's reassuring to know people see that as well! Sending you a big grateful hug 💖💖
It’s a deal!
I honestly don’t know how (as a genuine, open, honest, beautiful-hearted being) you survive out there on the mean streets of SM
I want you to remember FOR EVER that you are worthy and loved and valuable even if you stayed all day every day curled in your duvet crying onto your pillowcase
Damn these mean streets!! Thank you 🥲 I was actually talking about you and Bodykind the other day after finding the beautiful embroidered pin you gave me back then as I was clearly out my old wardrobe - I've brought it to sit pride in place above my bed here in London as a reminder of how much good can be created irl (not in the mean sm streets!) and how meaningful what you did was and is 💖💖
I love to see you win whether it's a great outfit or going to the baftas and everything in between! 💜
Thank you Stella 💖💖
It's so sad that there are people who not only resent your triumphs but even feel the need to lambast you for them.
And it's a sad truth that often people are more galvanised to respond to things that grind their gears than things they feel good about. I have to admit for myself (not proud of this) that a number of times I've wanted to respond positively to something you've shared and I've put it off, thinking oh well, I'll be lost in a sea of admiring voices and won't really mean much. Sadly, if we all think that then the negativity wins 😞
Please keep sharing your wins; you're amazing and inspire me all the time.
Rachel thank you so much for saying this. And (hopefully goes without saying!) I wouldn't want you to feel bad for not always engaging - we all have limited energy and sometimes we just want a backseat scroll! But I do really appreciate you taking the time to leave some positivity and help outweigh the nonsense 💖💖
Thank you for sharing here Megan! It can be scary speaking about our accomplishments at the best of times especially as women/female-identifying folks because of the messages we receive from society. It takes a lot to be openly proud of ourselves, and it can be really hard when we do not receive validation and excitement in return. I hope that you feel held in this space by the many voices who do appreciate your work and who do appreciate you, and I know that for myself reading these comments and engaging in this conversation has definitely made me feel more empowered to share my accomplishments regardless of how they are met. XO
I'm so glad you feel that Jane, I'm feeling it too, these comments are SO encouraging (including yours!!) and thank you for the reminder that of COURSE societal conditioning and unlearning smallness plays into this as well - let's keep going 💖💖
I absolutely agree and second this :)
I can’t tell you how reassuring and affirming your newsletters are for me and I’m sure they take plenty of time and energy for you to write, so I just want to say thank you. I value you so much.
Thank you Ginny, this helps, truly 💖💖
I am so inspired by everything you do and love to see you thriving. It gives me hope that better things will come my way as well. Keep going for people like me and I'll keep going for people like you. 💜🩷💜🩷
It's a deal Leah 💖🥲💖
Megan,
I LOVE your wins, your joy, your laughter, seeing you with your neighbours' cat, seeing you THRIVE because you deserve it. I look forward to your newsletter like an yearly advent calendar with the joy of a six years old waiting for their dinosaur plushie.
I am so sorry to read that you are not immune to people's reaction of fear when you post about your wins and happiness. I reckon people are triggered to see it because they think it came easy, and have no idea how to (or do not want to) work for it. Which isn't an excuse to be rude !!!!!!
Thank you. Thank YOU for sharing everything with us. The good, the bad, the in-between, the terrifying and the adorable. Thank you for exposing yourself, making yourself vulnerable everyday for our sake. I like to believe that your content makes me a better person, that your infectious joy and strength inspires me to give everything and everyone my all.
Love,
Coline
Oh Coline, this comment really made me teary! Wow. Thank you for this massively generous and beautiful reassurance. I wish I could give you a hug!! "Reaction of fear" is so insightful and a helpful reframe, thank you! Sending love and I will keep the advent calendar coming! 💖
Gratefully returning your hug 💖 take care 💖💖
This is beautiful and I felt every word in my heart truly beautiful xx
Oh Megan, I'm so sorry that the Internet has made you feel this way. Absolutely you are valid in celebrating your accomplishments and should be proud when you have success. 🙌 Unfortunately the way algorithms work encourages some of humanity's less desirable characteristics - rage baiting, drama, controversy... But what matters is that the people who love you are there to hold you up and celebrate you. That the community who appreciates you is supportive. I hope this doesn't discourage you from basking in the light of your hard work and well deserved accomplishments. 👏
I can totally relate to feeling like you have to downplay or make yourself smaller when something good is happening in your life, it's part of how the patriarchy has conditioned us (which I've learned to acknowledge and challenge in large part because of the influence you've had on my life!).
But let me be here to testify that I absolutely love to see you flourish, you deserve it all and more. Sending so much love 🩷💜🩵
Samantha this comment is so reassuring and wonderful and WISE. Thank you for these reminders (algorithms, patriarchy, gah), very difficult to see these things clearly when we're in them!
I appreciate you and the energy you give me and others here, I hope you are giving this same energy to yourself as well because you are fucking great and deserve to feel that 💖✨💖
1,000% Megan! Easier said than done, especially when it comes to giving the same grace to oneself to that we give to others.