Is it Just Me Or… Is This What Main Character Energy Actually Means?

I’ve been taking myself on a lot of self-dates lately.

I wear something that makes me lowkey fancy myself. I go somewhere I would ordinarily go with a date. I eat, alone, (and I order whatever I want). Then I take myself home (sometimes the self-date doesn’t end there, but you know me, I’m not one to wank and tell).

One of my favourite things about dating myself is not having to factor in what another person wants. That might sound selfish, but as someone who has always put the needs (or even the vague whims) of other people above her own, tapping back in to what I *actually* want is no small thing.

I get to decide what I’m in the mood for. I get to leave without hesitation when I’ve had enough. I don’t have to guesswork whether the other person is having a good time or wait for them to suggest what to do next. When you’re the only one on the date, you can’t be passive. You have to decide what you want, and go.

And on a self-date a couple of weeks back, it occurred to me how new that felt.

For the longest time I was the person who would ask what everyone else wants, and go with it. Who would wait for someone else to make plans, and join. Who would hope for some sweeping love story to fall into their life but did absolutely nothing to make it happen. Who would work hard at the opportunities that came in the door but never felt capable of reaching for the ones that actually excited her.

Basically, I was passive af. Always waiting for something to happen, but never daring to steer. Steering is scary. Could go wrong. Could crash. Better to just wait until someone else comes along to take the wheel.

I was almost acting as if I were a side character in my own life. The other people – the main characters – got to decide what happened.

I’d seen the whole “main character energy” thing going around online (mainly in comment sections on a killer outfit post), but on that particular self-date, I understood what it should mean.

Embodying main character energy means realising that you are allowed to drive the plotline of your own life based on what feels right for you.

Main character energy is saying what you want out loud.

Main character energy is moving towards your own joy.

Main character energy is engaging with life as if you are an active participant in it, and not just some passive chorus member ready to go along with someone else’s story.

I’ve also realised since dating myself, how much of that energy I’d lost in my last relationship.

The thing about passively allowing the people around you to steer your life is that you might find yourself with someone who ends up steering to places that don’t feel like where you want to be at all. But if you’re only the side character, you let yourself be steered. Until you barely even feel like yourself.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t expect relationships (or life) to go exactly my way every time, to always be the centre of everything or never let go and just go with the flow. But I’m done feeling like I have no power whatsoever to steer my own narrative.

I’m done with putting the needs and wants and whims of other people above my own every single time. I’m done believing that everyone else knows better so I should just go along with whatever they say. I’m done acting like a side character in my own life.

I get to be the main character in my own story. And you, reading this, you get to be the main character in yours.

How fucking cool is that?

Love,

M

💜