Content warning: mental health discussion Hi, I’m Megan. Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviours, dissociation and suicidal ideation. Whew, that feels like a lot to write down.
Sending you so much love and support. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself with the world, we love and appreciate you for it. I've been in a bit of a shitty place myself lately, so many plates all spinning and only me to keep them all going, the pressure is a lot. I'm not great at taking care of myself, if something has to give it's always me, so I can keep the rest of it going. Definitely need to get better at that. ❤
The fact that actually prioritising yourself is sometimes impossible when you're holding so much else up is definitely something that isn't acknowledged enough in the self care conversation!! I really really hope another arm reaches out to take a couple of plates for a bit Raych. You are doing so so good. 💜
Thanks for sharing your, ugh, journey is so overused. Your fumbling through maybe? Although I think it's a bit more less like fumbling. Anyway, I really appreciated this particular thing, because the idea of finding something you thought you'd found, but had lost - that really makes sense to me. Also I am really comfortable thinking of my brain as malfunctioning, as in the brain chemistry is messed up. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Not my fault I was born with a propensity for it! (Bipolar Disorder, and PTSD from stuff causes damage too.) But what you said about constantly being bombarded by traumatic things explains why I get triggered so much of the time. Thanks so much for this, again. You do so much for so many. I wish you could just take 6 months off to just ~be~. Sending you and everyone luck of the best kind.... 💚💜💚
Thank you so much for this Cat, seeing and appreciating everything you shared. Also totally hear you on the malfunctioning point! As lots of people pointed out to me on my IG post - "if you can't produce your own serotonine, store bought is fine". Sending you much love (and hey, if I hit the jackpot we can all go on a 6 month just *being* retreat) 💜
“Sometimes it’s a piece I thought I already had but it turns out I lost it while I wasn’t looking.” This is beautiful. It describes the exact way my depression sneaks up on me even though I’ve been in treatment for years. Thank you for being so open and honest—it truly is appreciated.
I’m very proud of you for choosing to be open and vulnerable with your community. Thank you for trusting us with your experience and thoughts. I’m proud of everyone in this community who is trying their best: it’s a different journey for everyone, and we might not have it all figured out, but we are learning so much about ourselves. Sending love and support to everyone!
That’s the big thing: it isn’t “just me”. It’s so many people who are terrified of speaking up because society teaches us we are “abnormal”. But after living with my trauma, mental illnesses, and physical pain since I was 5 years old, I’ve come to realize that normal doesn’t exist. To me, those with mental illness are the most human of all. My favorite mental health advocates are those who have experienced or currently experience mental illness, because otherwise they’d never really understand. I truly don’t know if you can ever be “fully healed” whatever that means. Just like we can never stop growing, I believe we never stop healing. Triggers happens. Worldwide pandemics happen. Corrupt systems. Social movements. That’s a lot. And with the digital movement, we are aware of everything and everyone. That is a lot for anyone, especially the sensitive souls. You are not wrong. You are human. And for me, after 13 years of therapy and treatment, I’ve finally found what’s actually creating healing for me. I’m in a somatic trauma intensive outpatient program. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done, but also the best thing. This is what works for me and I believe everyone has that method. Healing from my trauma is my key. And I hope you find yours. And we are gonna have to keep healing, but hopefully the rollercoaster gets less intense and we learn how to handle the next. You are wonderful. Thank you for sharing and showing us your humanity. I appreciate and love you dearly!
Are we not just name twins but mental health twins also?? 😅But seriously, I had to take emergency time off in August because life all became too much. I’m “back” at work but still trying to figure out how to balance life without pushing myself too hard(perfectionist brain). What I do know as someone who works in mental health is that so many more people are feeling this way than talk about it. Even if you aren’t saddled with any mental health disorders our world is going through a collective trauma that has left so many feeling hopeless. I think because we’re all going through it we discount the significance and how it’s affecting our brains and bodies. Our bodies and brains need to feel safe. They need to rest. Part of that for me is allowing myself to rest even if I don’t have the answers. Also I highly recommend @napministry for anyone who is interested in divesting from the “grind life” and the norm of burnout.
As always, thank you for being yourself on the internet 💕
So, I choose to stay with her. I try my best to treat her with kindness. I try to accept everything we are, and everything we’re not."
This!!! Yes, she's yours and she makes you so incredibly you. But woah baby, it's hard to have a brain that takes you places that are so scary. Thank you for sharing with us, but more important, thank you for taking extra steps to navigate this hole. I appreciate all you do and I fully respect your need to step away from the internet at any time. I can only speak for myself, but I have a very strong feeling that your internet family feels the same way.
I frequently have to remind myself that healing isn't linear. I've hidden a lot of moments in the layers of my existence, uncovering them and giving them space to be seen and heard in therapy AND a prescription for antidepressants has made existing possible.
It’s a work in progress for everyone isn’t it? Just today my mum said to me “I would like you to get to a point in your life where you're happy enough to come off your medication” what I do know is for me, that isn’t the end goal. Being happy? Yes, that would be lovely. But what the fuck does it matter if I need medication forever?! It’s not my brain’s fault. Thank you so much for sharing this Megan.
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been feeling the same way for months. It is nice to hear that I am not the only one that feels this way. I too came to the conclusion that I need to take better care of myself. But I feel guilty doing it! Your words had me in tears and inspired me to prioritize myself. You are an amazingly strong person and I look forward to your posts and emails. Sending love and healing vibes.
Thank you for this. I needed to know this week that I'm not alone and I'm not weird for experiencing these things and I'm not totally broken. I appreciate your vulnerability. I work in mental health and even though I know the benefits of speaking up, sometimes it can still be tough when I'm stuck in depression. This week I spoke up and I want to confirm how helpful it was despite being scary, too. Thanks for sharing your voice and your experiences with us!
Thank you for sharing. As the Mum of an 11 year old Daughter who has some mental health issues, I think its so important to talk about so that support is there when it's needed. I have never had the issues that you / my Daughter has (she has anxiety and awful thoughts about herself) but the more awareness that can be raised the better. Xxx
Sending you so much love and support. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself with the world, we love and appreciate you for it. I've been in a bit of a shitty place myself lately, so many plates all spinning and only me to keep them all going, the pressure is a lot. I'm not great at taking care of myself, if something has to give it's always me, so I can keep the rest of it going. Definitely need to get better at that. ❤
The fact that actually prioritising yourself is sometimes impossible when you're holding so much else up is definitely something that isn't acknowledged enough in the self care conversation!! I really really hope another arm reaches out to take a couple of plates for a bit Raych. You are doing so so good. 💜
Thanks for sharing your, ugh, journey is so overused. Your fumbling through maybe? Although I think it's a bit more less like fumbling. Anyway, I really appreciated this particular thing, because the idea of finding something you thought you'd found, but had lost - that really makes sense to me. Also I am really comfortable thinking of my brain as malfunctioning, as in the brain chemistry is messed up. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Not my fault I was born with a propensity for it! (Bipolar Disorder, and PTSD from stuff causes damage too.) But what you said about constantly being bombarded by traumatic things explains why I get triggered so much of the time. Thanks so much for this, again. You do so much for so many. I wish you could just take 6 months off to just ~be~. Sending you and everyone luck of the best kind.... 💚💜💚
Thank you so much for this Cat, seeing and appreciating everything you shared. Also totally hear you on the malfunctioning point! As lots of people pointed out to me on my IG post - "if you can't produce your own serotonine, store bought is fine". Sending you much love (and hey, if I hit the jackpot we can all go on a 6 month just *being* retreat) 💜
“Sometimes it’s a piece I thought I already had but it turns out I lost it while I wasn’t looking.” This is beautiful. It describes the exact way my depression sneaks up on me even though I’ve been in treatment for years. Thank you for being so open and honest—it truly is appreciated.
I’m very proud of you for choosing to be open and vulnerable with your community. Thank you for trusting us with your experience and thoughts. I’m proud of everyone in this community who is trying their best: it’s a different journey for everyone, and we might not have it all figured out, but we are learning so much about ourselves. Sending love and support to everyone!
That’s the big thing: it isn’t “just me”. It’s so many people who are terrified of speaking up because society teaches us we are “abnormal”. But after living with my trauma, mental illnesses, and physical pain since I was 5 years old, I’ve come to realize that normal doesn’t exist. To me, those with mental illness are the most human of all. My favorite mental health advocates are those who have experienced or currently experience mental illness, because otherwise they’d never really understand. I truly don’t know if you can ever be “fully healed” whatever that means. Just like we can never stop growing, I believe we never stop healing. Triggers happens. Worldwide pandemics happen. Corrupt systems. Social movements. That’s a lot. And with the digital movement, we are aware of everything and everyone. That is a lot for anyone, especially the sensitive souls. You are not wrong. You are human. And for me, after 13 years of therapy and treatment, I’ve finally found what’s actually creating healing for me. I’m in a somatic trauma intensive outpatient program. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done, but also the best thing. This is what works for me and I believe everyone has that method. Healing from my trauma is my key. And I hope you find yours. And we are gonna have to keep healing, but hopefully the rollercoaster gets less intense and we learn how to handle the next. You are wonderful. Thank you for sharing and showing us your humanity. I appreciate and love you dearly!
Are we not just name twins but mental health twins also?? 😅But seriously, I had to take emergency time off in August because life all became too much. I’m “back” at work but still trying to figure out how to balance life without pushing myself too hard(perfectionist brain). What I do know as someone who works in mental health is that so many more people are feeling this way than talk about it. Even if you aren’t saddled with any mental health disorders our world is going through a collective trauma that has left so many feeling hopeless. I think because we’re all going through it we discount the significance and how it’s affecting our brains and bodies. Our bodies and brains need to feel safe. They need to rest. Part of that for me is allowing myself to rest even if I don’t have the answers. Also I highly recommend @napministry for anyone who is interested in divesting from the “grind life” and the norm of burnout.
As always, thank you for being yourself on the internet 💕
"Because this is the only brain I’ll ever have.
So, I choose to stay with her. I try my best to treat her with kindness. I try to accept everything we are, and everything we’re not."
This!!! Yes, she's yours and she makes you so incredibly you. But woah baby, it's hard to have a brain that takes you places that are so scary. Thank you for sharing with us, but more important, thank you for taking extra steps to navigate this hole. I appreciate all you do and I fully respect your need to step away from the internet at any time. I can only speak for myself, but I have a very strong feeling that your internet family feels the same way.
I frequently have to remind myself that healing isn't linear. I've hidden a lot of moments in the layers of my existence, uncovering them and giving them space to be seen and heard in therapy AND a prescription for antidepressants has made existing possible.
It’s a work in progress for everyone isn’t it? Just today my mum said to me “I would like you to get to a point in your life where you're happy enough to come off your medication” what I do know is for me, that isn’t the end goal. Being happy? Yes, that would be lovely. But what the fuck does it matter if I need medication forever?! It’s not my brain’s fault. Thank you so much for sharing this Megan.
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been feeling the same way for months. It is nice to hear that I am not the only one that feels this way. I too came to the conclusion that I need to take better care of myself. But I feel guilty doing it! Your words had me in tears and inspired me to prioritize myself. You are an amazingly strong person and I look forward to your posts and emails. Sending love and healing vibes.
You’re like balm to my chapped lip
You’re a hot water bottle on my tummy
You’re the warmth of a hand on my back
I love you and every single part of you. Remembering that helps me turn towards every part of myself
Thank you for this. I needed to know this week that I'm not alone and I'm not weird for experiencing these things and I'm not totally broken. I appreciate your vulnerability. I work in mental health and even though I know the benefits of speaking up, sometimes it can still be tough when I'm stuck in depression. This week I spoke up and I want to confirm how helpful it was despite being scary, too. Thanks for sharing your voice and your experiences with us!
Thank you for sharing. As the Mum of an 11 year old Daughter who has some mental health issues, I think its so important to talk about so that support is there when it's needed. I have never had the issues that you / my Daughter has (she has anxiety and awful thoughts about herself) but the more awareness that can be raised the better. Xxx