Hello my loves! 🌞 It’s coming up to the end of the Easter bank holiday in the UK (4 glorious days off work ft. chocolate, sunshine, orgasms & crafts - the dream) and my brain has started whirring with that familiar back-to-work worry of “no matter what I do, it never feels like I’ve produced enough or done good enough or worked hard enough and I’ll always disappoint someone” - so I’m letting it out here. And I’m inviting you to do the same 💜
If you have a worry about the week ahead that you’d like to get off your chest, consider this thread an open space. If you have some energy spare after letting yours out, maybe leave some supportive reassurance under someone else’s worry (it’s always beautiful to see you lifting each other up here 🌻). I’m gonna do my best to remember that my productivity is not my worth, and that beautiful things take time!
I graduated from college about a month ago and after the joyous family visits and celebrations, I've just started to feel like I am in post-grad life! I graduated with a teaching degree and so the Spring and summer are really up in the air for me. As someone who thrives on structure (or at least that's the story I've been telling myself) I am finding the limbo space uncomfortable. I am generally having a good time but I feel this feeling of not being able to settle into what's happening right now. I'm either 5 steps ahead or two behind. My goal is to be in this limbo space with gratitude and treat it as a gift. My close friends are all moving away and I am staying around so I also feel the need to make every minute memorable. I know this is pressure I'm putting on myself. I really just need to honor where I am and that this is a precious time without putting pressure to make everyday something special. *sigh* Thanks for opening this space for us. Meg!
When I'm in doubt I try to stay really still, not physically but mentally and spiritually. Only when things outside of me settle can I see the beauty and abundance that's in my life. You and your life will be more than ok...stay calm, smile and count your blessings. Only then will you see that you ACTUALLY have so much to share with others.
It's not easy being a new graduate. People tend not to talk a lot about what it really entails. When you don't have that school structure anymore, it's hard to feel secure, but it's okay to be confused. Things will work out and you will be surprised with how they do
I’ve spent the past six months or so absolutely heartbroken and destroyed over a friendship breakup with the first people who felt like home when I moved to London – definitely one of the big loves of my life. Our breakup ended with them taking apart everything I am to point out the flaws and all the ways in which I was a horrible person, using all the resources they had to make me believe it, despite me feeling like I’d been trying so hard to make things better for months, at my expense. I’m still in pieces and I don’t know if I can make friends again, and terrified about bumping into these friends all the time.
I feel like I don’t deserve good wholesome relationships/am incapable of them, and that’s my main worry to let go of right now I think.
You are worthy! How about making a list of all the things you like about yourself. Remember times when someone said something nice about you. Even a smile from a stranger on the street counts. They see your worth and don’t even know you. When your done make a point to believe what you wrote. 💕
That is such a horrible thing to go through. It also sounds like something you've fallen "victim" to. They have been scorekeeping, ready to take you down when they get bored with you. Your "flaw" and "failing" here is that you are a nice person, who is trusting, ready and willing to love and be loved. There are far worse "faults" you could have. You are worthy of every good thing the world has to offer.
Sometimes people are just shit people, and there's not much too it. Scientifically we could assign them their labels such as Narcissists, mass hysteria, white privilege etc... whatever group they belong to.
The main thing is that you make sure you set hard spiritual, mental and emotional boundaries between you and them. Use some pagan rituals to purge their hate from your psyche...use Jesus if that's your thing. Use smudge sticks, lemongrass essential oil, prayer, affirmation, post positive stuff like Megan on social media, make another friend...make millions of friends! DELETE all evidence that those trolls existed like phone numbers. Did they give you things? Gifts? Burn them or throw them in the trash. Move to a new apartment, buy a dog or gold fish...I don't know, but cleanse your entire being from these vermin, hold your head way up fucking high...and move on (when you're ready). Oh and if they are breaking the law in what they are doing, get a protection order and call the fucking police!
Oh that sounds awful and I’m sorry this has happened! You are most definitely worthy! While it sounds a bit harsh, if they could say those things to you then they don’t sound like the right kind of friends. You deserve better. I’ve seen some of your replies and you come across a kind hearted and supportive person. Don’t believe everything they said (hard I know). Maybe write down all the things you like about yourself on postits and stick them all round your house to remind yourself and keep your head high. Sending lots of love 💜
OMG. Malicka, I’m terribly sorry that such negative words were said to you by people that you loved! I truly believe Friendship breakups are the worst heartbreak :( YOU are amazing and incredible! I know it’s much easier said than done, but take the positive words and leave the negative words, because you truly are magnificent!
I completely understand not feeling like you deserve wholesome friendships/relationships. I’ve struggled with finding the right friends for me, for my whole life and that feeling just sucks. Know that YOU are amazing and you are owed an incredible friendship!
Thank you as always for giving us this space Megan!
I'm almost too hesitant to even write about this because I don't want to come across as The Negative One. These past few months have been so unstable and chaotic and I'm once again slammed with financial insecurity and the sinking feeling that I'm just not going to get myself out of this hole anytime soon. It's not for lack of trying either!
I've been trying to look into alternative career paths as a way to lift myself out of this and to empower myself to be more excited about the work I'm doing, but I haven't had much success and it's starting to wear me out. I also happened to get hit with a nasty bout of covid right as I was finally getting into the groove sending out applications. (And to give some context, when I was diagnosed with covid my first reaction wasn't, "Oh geeze, I need to get better," but, "Shit. Now how am I going to scrounge together enough to pay off the rest of my bills and rent." I literally CAN'T AFFORD to "get sick" and that alone has made this recovery process so much freaking harder.)
I've been freelance writing, but financially it's just not working for me (I mean, c'mon when you tell yourself you can't afford to be ill there's a capital P problem) so I've been looking into other ways I could use my journalism foundations (I have a degree) and all of the experience I garnered, and am really excited by the idea of getting an entry-level editorial position at a publishing house (preferably with childrens' or teen literature) but I keep getting stuck in the whole application process and thinking about how old I am to be trying to get into a new line of work, my lack of "the right" experience, and that I'm simply not good enough to even be considered. Applying to these jobs can be so soul sucking and I feel like it really deletes my personality.
I guess one of the things I'm trying to express here is just that I'm exhausted and wish that I had some help or some way of knowing that all this struggle will be worth it. 😣 (And if any of you lovely people happen to BE in the publishing field I would seriously be so grateful for even just five minutes of your time.)
You sound brave AF! I would be so chuffed to have a friend like you to look up to. Take pride in your ability to adapt and your creativity in problem-solving. I’m not in publishing myself but from reading these few lines, anyone who gets to publish your work should consider themselves lucky! Lots of love xx
This sounds draining af, and I'm really sorry you are stuck in this position. As you are open to practical solutions as well as support, if you debt is an issue, please look into the charity StepChange. A member of my family used them and their life was turned around by the help they got.
Thanks for this Megan, I really struggle to unwind over long weekends like this and just feel mounting pressure to catch up and get back into a productive mindset, I almost feel glad when it's over and I can get back to 'normal'. I just don't relax well! How sad is that 😬
We are all told to continue to work and work and work and be productive that relaxing is so hard!
I hope you find moments of peace and discover hobbies/things that help you relax! Coloring outside always helps me relax or even just listening to my favorite music! Much love to you!
I'm exactly the same, it takes me the whole Easter weekend to unwind, and then when I finally do it's time to go back to work. Today my friend I wish you joy, joy so warm and explosive it permeates through your chest out into your body to the point where your bouncing with joy. We love you💕🙏🤸
Thank you for the open space to share our thoughts 🤍 Last year I’ve decided to only work part-time to have enough time to go to therapy, heal and finally figure out what I want to do with my life (mainly what job I would really like). But now the job demands much more from me than I expected and if I want to fulfill my own high expectations, I don’t find enough time and strength for much else…I feel like even my days off are not enough to restore my energy.
He Tara(-: What an encridible brave decisicion to decide to work full-time for therapy and to figure out what you want. At the moment I am almost in the same situation, I got burned-out from working as a teacher and now I try to figure out how to take care of my myself, try to work with my therapist on the high expectations I set for myself, but am also stress out about work that's starting again. I think wha I am trying to say is: you are not alone! Trying to find that balance between taking care of yourself and feeling like you are doing enough at work I think is so difficult! Maybe you can talk with someone at work about it, if you have not enough energy to take care for yourself, soon you will not have enough energy to keep up with work. Bee brave again and choose you!
I’ve been dating a guy, but I’m not sure if I fancy him or not. It’s been five months, so surely I should know. We have another date lined up this weekend and I can’t even get excited about it. But also, I’m 35, and my options have been limited up until now. What if I’m giving up too easily?
LauraM I feel you here. It is hard do know which gut to trust--you are not alone and I am sending you so much love ❤️❤️ Just know that your age is no reason to settle for something that makes you less happy--you deserve all the happiness ❤️❤️
Thank you so much! I’m going to try and get a decent nights sleep tonight, and get some headspace tomorrow and make a decision. I feel like if there’s any ounce of conflict then he’s not the one for me, but I need to be sure! 🧡🧡 why can’t this stuff be uncomplicated?
I'm 43, and let me tell you your options are NOT limited! I'm not overly attractive, but I pull them like a fisherman haha.
Look darling, I'm so proud of you for being honest about how you feel. I was never that onto it when I was your age. I spent years in relationships with people who weren't good enough for me.
At the end of the day, he doesn't do it for you. You should know this after about 4 dates...not 5 months. Good on you for not settling for less. You will know the right person for you...you will naturally gravitate towards each other without effort. If that's not this guy then maybe he's not the one don't you think?
Though you may feel like your options are limited, it's a big world out there and that may feel like it's full of unknowns, but it's also full of opportunities. It's perfectly ok to be in an asexual relationship if that's how you identify, and parties are consenting and so so, but if you also want sexual attraction from a relationship it may be worth you having a long think about whether this relationship will give you that, whether what you both want out of a relationship is aligned enough to give it a bit more time, or if you would rather be friends with this person instead, again if both parties are ok with that. If you don't feel excited to see them, then it's not a sign of failure or defeat on your part. Sometimes things just don't work out between people. It's normal, part of life, and you've no need to feel guilty or continue to date someone if you don't enjoy their company as much as you hoped you would. Your choices are your own to make, please never see yourself as limited, because you hold the power over your own life and choices.
I don’t think I’m asexual, but I’m definitely demisexual so online dating is my least favourite thing in the world. All of the men I’ve fancied before have been friends first. I’ve asked for us to take it slow, but on our second date he tried kissing me anyway. I’m not even sure if I enjoyed it, because it was over a month ago!
Online dating is such a pit of drudge, it is dreadful. I'm also 35, cis woman, definitely not asexual, and quite the introvert. I find 'chatting people up' in person totally repulsive as it bases attraction on looks alone, IMO, but this is why I actually don't mind dating apps - it gives me a chance to *really* suss someone out before deciding if I want to meet up with someone or even carry on the conversation! I gently probe about political leanings, ethical and moral leanings, what they want out of life, their interests etc. while also crucially hoping for that spark of intellegent conversation, and respect and mutual consent around communication. Because you are demisexual you may find you can use the ' getting to know each other' part via text to build a connection and filter out impatient assholes who are like 'meet up or what's the point?' . Please eff off with your lack of boundaries and respect for others! I also highly recommend Instagram accounts like 'tinder translators' - shots fired! It'll provide you with a bit of light relief to see that SO many people (and people who identify as women especially) experience the same old nonsense on those apps.
To backtrack to an important point though, trying to kiss you is a big red flag when you had already laid out your boundaries. Don't doubt or blame yourself for 'not being clear enough' as I'd suspect you may be doing. You said you'd like to take it slow and get to know them, so it was up to *you* to let them know when you were comfortable to move to physical touch, not for them to decide to try it anyway. Very disrespectful, and he disregarded your boundaries and the basic human need/right to consent. That, plus the lack of attraction and panic attack... I don't know the whole situation obviously, so I'd like to try to give benefit of the doubt but my opinion has definitely shifted to- time to cut ties with someone who ignored your boundaries. Can you see yourself getting romantically and emotionally attached to someone who did that, and caused a panic attack? Are they your friend, do you love them non-romantically in a way that you'd develop sexual feelings for them as someone who is demisexual? Only you know yourself and know whether you have strong feelings for them or not. I hope you figure it out Laura, but I'm happy to reply if you want to chat more , or just listen (read) if you need to vent with no reply required from me (and you can say if you'd rather me not reply if you just need to type stuff down to offload). X
I found your comment really helpful. I too HATE chatting up people or being chatted up, so I’m stuck behind two very hard rocks! 🤣 the guy is lovely, we have lots in common but he lives an hour away, spends most of his time playing video games and doesn’t have many friends and isn’t in close contact with his family. My family and friends are my life, I have a very fulfilling social life (despite being single for all my life, I make sure I have the best time I possibly can). He doesn’t drive, so it would be on me to do all the running around (though he’s offered to get the train to come and see me, it’s almost two hours cos we have shit public transport here).
Our lives just don’t match up, and although I could eventually like him as more than a friend, it’s not where I am right now and definitely not what he’s looking for. So I’m starting to think it’s better to explain this to him and call off the date.
He has already said he stopped using apps once we agreed to a first date, on our second date admitted he “didn’t like being single”. So I think he’s looking for something different than what I can give him.
Hey Laura! I was in a relationship with a guy that sounded pretty much exactly like what you described. I really liked him, he was sweet, lovely and keen to commit but something felt a bit off and the longer we were together the more I realised he was lovely but also a bit of a man child. And I wanted someone equal, a partner. I don’t want to project and influence your decision but if your heard and your intuition are both not in it, trust yourself.
I don’t regret dating that guy for 1,5 yrs because I learned SOO much from it. But trust yourself. You’re worthy of a brilliant partner!!
The last thing I would want to do is influence your decisions, but I hope I gave you enough of an impartial take on it all for you to weigh things up for what's best for you. If you're not into him after all this time, and have to do all the running around, and what you would like out of a relationship (maybe someone who is outgoing, is close to their family and friends, lives closer or has better transport links, is also comfortable with being single as you perhaps are moreso than him, doesn't immediately create pressure by announcing without you asking him to do so that he's deleted his dating apps...) isn't fulfilled by this particular relationship, then perhaps it is time to reassess how you feel about it continuing. I hope whichever decision you make, you don't let anyone sway you either way, and that it feels right for you. Take care. X
I had a panic attack before our last date which I ended up postponing. This is our reschedule. I don’t even get any excitement when I get a text from him, yet something is tugging me to not give up and I’ve never felt so conflicted 😩
I am worried about how to get through the week-I have a number of papers due, stress of a date coming up that I am not looking forward to and is causing me anxiety, and the general reality that I am a bit depressed right now and am struggling to take care of me with enough food and sleep--so trying to do all these things just feels like a lot and I feel as though I am walking around in a haze.
Oh Kat, I can’t tell you how deeply I feel you on this. It’s totally like a haze in the brain at this level. I often feel like a zombie which means I’m not getting like any joy out of anything. One of my close friends told me when I expressed this feeling to her that it can be helpful to celebrate the smaller things. That sounds easier said than done but I feel like it has helped me. I also highly recommend taking yourself to the movies and getting lost in something for a few hours. It may not seem like you have time for this, but if you can find a few hours to take for it, it always lowers my anxiety to be in a movie theater by yourself with no phone and no thoughts except the movie plot.
You got this and we’re all here supporting you! I hope you start feeling a little better soon 💖
Sending you so much love! As someone who graduated during the pandemic and struggles with adhd & depression, I absolutely feel you. How is your university’s support system? Is there a tutor or safe person in the academic staff that you can talk to about all that? If you want to message me about it, I’d be genuinely happy to try and help you work through it and find solutions. I remember all too well how difficult this time can be ♥️
thank you ❤️ I really appreciate hearing your experience. the support system is okay, but as a senior with deadlines for senior sem--the deadlines are immovable. I am seeing my therapist which is good, but trying to figure out how to "push through" when I need the good grades. I think I need to give myself grace for a class and accept that perfection isn't always in my "highest and best" but its hard. What helped you?
The weather is calling for a foot of snow tomorrow and I’m traveling for work. I’m worried about driving - even though I am reminding myself I have good tires and will leave myself extra time. All I can picture right now is white out conditions and slippery roads.
Drive safe Anna. Just be as careful as you can be, most likely you will be safe in any case. You can never totally predict driving conditions but you can take all the precautions you're able too...but that's all. It's ok to be scared too...the bravest people in the world are often scared...did you know that Anna? Wishing you a warm, fun safe journey xx
Thank you for your calm and reasonable message! We did get a foot of very heavy wet snow that looked like something out of a Robert Frost poem. Gorgeous drive, roads were clear and I took my time. It’s 42 and peaceful at my destination with green, green grass everywhere. Thank you again for your message!
Friends with a guy for 6 years, messaging daily for 2, sleeping together as FWB for a year. We recently decided to give it a real try and date properly. It's going so well, but the cynical, emotional baggage laden part of me is whispering in the back of my head that it won't last, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been single for 7 years. It's all very new and different to me
Woow! I think that's soo wonderful that you are dating! Very excided, but so scary pfff. I think, as the others say the best thing is to discuss it together. It may seem impossible, I always find it very difficult to talk about al my feelings in my relationship, but I found a way. Usuly I say: I really would like to share something with you, but it feels vulnerable - and then enter your feelings. Difficult as hell, but worth every time!! Good luck <3
I highly recommend talking about your worries with him. He may have similar fears, or he may say the perfect thing to ease your mind for the moment. Either way, it'll feel good to get it off your chest. I know how it feels to sit quietly and worry alone. It can sap so much energy...
It’s hard to calm those thoughts! You’ve known each other for a while and obviously built a connection emotionally and physically… this sounds like a natural progression but can be scary. Maybe it’s a good time to open up a bit about how you’re feeling - talk to him or someone else you trust? Good luck in your new relationship!
I've had an eating disorder for years, and I've recently started to try for recovery. Yesterday I made a commitment to someone to eat out with them and I am SO frightened. I have no intention of calling it off - I want to do and I know it is in my own best interests, but I am so frightened. I dreamed last night that the pet rat I'd put in my mouth ran down my throat and I couldn't vomit it out to save it lol! Thanks for the vent space x
Two years ago, around now, my longtime partner ended our fraught with conflict and constantly painful relationship. We were no-contact for the first year and she’s been back in my life for about a year.
My social bubble is pretty much non-existent. She’s my only friend really. She adores my pup and walks her 3-4 times a week. We usually hang out for about an hour when they get back. We have dinner at mine every week or two. She was also there for me when I was drowning in my break-up triggered hoarding. We’re there for each other.
We were together almost 15 years, 10 of it long distance with her in England and me in Canada. While we’d met here, we would visit back and forth when we could. It was always tumultuous, always painful in some way. All of that was amplified when she finally immigrated and moved in with me. We both contributed to it the mess. With covid isolation looming, she ended it.
I’m still in love with her, while she is not with me. I still ache with the missing of physical touch, though it’s not as excruciating like it was. Not the sex even. That was so terrible and piled up with messy emotions. The cuddling. The sleeping side by side. The spooning. I’m extremely aware it would never work without an immense amount of work by us individually and as a couple, and even then. The thought of her being with someone else makes me physically sick almost hysterical. I’m obviously not over her.
Likely because it’s the two year marker, I’m grieving again. I’m angry with her. When I can sleep, I’m having bad dreams. She knows there is something wrong but I’ve shut her out.
With her permission, I’ve been using her Netflix. Last night, while trying to find something to watch, I looked at her ‘continue watching’ list and there was a documentary about sexual intimacy - with ourselves and with others. In the last couple of years we were together, it was the type of programming that I begged her to watch with me or on her own. She refused. She refused books, videos, couples counselling, individual therapy - anything that could have helped us. And here she is, watching something now. I deleted Netflix from my phone last night.
I can’t talk with her about all of this. We’ve done mountains of post break-up processing. The thoughts grinding around in my mind are ones we’ve already talked though. But, they’re still there.
I won’t see her again until Wednesday, when she comes over to walk my pup. This emotional flare-up has happened before and it usually subsided. Then we go back to hanging out and bring mostly ok.
Wow, I've been reading through the comments and have decided this is the nicest place on the internet.
I'm struggling at work at the moment. My boss isn't supportive of me wanting a pay rise, even though I think I've done good work in the year and a half since my last review. Historically I've always got good feedback but I'm very insecure, and so this scenario has me wondering if I'm being gaslighted and I really do deserve a payrise, or if I'm really not that good at my job and instead I should be thankfully they pay me what they do. I am my own worst critic and this has really triggered all my "you're a failure" and "you're not good enough" stories to run rampant.
This week I need to figure out next steps, be it talk to hr, or my boss, or start job hunting etc..
Sending good vibes to everyone else here for a happy rest of your week <3
I'm currently on a long, long journey towards intuitive eating and body acceptance after nearly half a lifetime struggling with ED. I'm far along in the process, but still feel like I've not had a breakthrough yet. I struggle with living in a body that has changed a lot since I stopped restricting my food and the worry and shame are present every single day. I'm trying to really get past this hump and to the other side, feeling more confident and accepting of myself. I've been reading tons of books and listening to podcasts, but I still feel like I have so far to go and I can't seem to get unstuck. I think I need to keep remembering that it's a process, that I've come really far in the past 2 years and that I am pretty and worthy no matter my size.
Messages that promote insecurity and shame are blasting at us from all around regardless of body size. You’re in the right track reading and listening to more healthy and positive content. What else would make you feel fabulous and desirable and at home in your body? I’m sure there’s an activity you can use to channel creative positive self expression. Selfies? Yoga? Journaling? You know best. Celebrate your beautiful human self. Good luck!
You’re so brave! Look at all this good work you’re doing. What a legend. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. Fat phobia is taught to us over and over so many times every day. Saying no to it and feeling your own worth at any size is HARD. You’re doing great x
I’m currently studying in Oregon to be a pharmacist and lately I’ve been really struggling with how much weight I put into my exam scores. I think since I’ve spent a lot of my life as the “smart mature kid” that now that I’m 23 and in graduate school to be a medical professional, I put all the weight on how well I’m doing in my classes in comparison to everyone else. Fortunately for me, I am doing relatively well in the program but whenever I get a lower score on something I feel the failure deep in my chest and the imposter syndrome really sets in. Most of the time it just kind of feels like I’m a faker and that I’m not actually smart, I’ve just somehow figured out how to beat the system of American public school. It’s hard to remember I deserve all the good things that happen to me
Thank you for the space to let this stuff out. Sometimes letting it out to my classmates is effective however most of the time it almost makes me feel worse when we discuss productivity and studying and such. This space is really wonderful and I appreciate it greatly
You so deserve all good things that happen to you. And also, your worth is not at all determined by your grades, and you're not an imposter if you have not yet mastered a subject by the time an exam roles around. Keep up the good work, you're doing great by being in this program to become a pharmacist!
Thank you Megan! ♡ I am so grateful you are part of my life in this nice small way :)
My worry is that I am not going to evolve as well as I want to and that my best years and projects are past me and that I won't get to do such fun, beautiful and meaningful things again. I hope I am wrong though and that the best is yet to come...
This resonates with me. I often feel like I peeked early in life when I landed my dream job. After over a decade in my industry I'm feeling tired and less excited about it. I have new dreams though and while its been a struggle to figure out how to achieve those, things are starting to happen! New dreams and projects are on the horizon!
Lots of big life changes in the air for me and my guy, mostly good things! but very stressful things. Finding it hard to sleep which makes it hard to concentrate and be any kind of productive while "awake". Will make it through! Just hard now! <3
It sounds like you’re doing absolutely wonderfully! Big life changes can make it hard to find sleep, I feel you. As someone with adhd and insomnia as a result, I’ve found it helpful to spend just a few mins jotting down my thoughts before bed, in order to calm my thoughts? Just in case it help 😊 It sounds like you’re smashing it though!
That's a really great idea! I find my brain racing through images and situations and ideas and thoughts and to-do's when I try to sleep. Its almost like a torture race of thoughts haha! I will def remember to write stuff down tonight to calm it down <3
2021 handed my arse to me on a plate. First, my partner and I broke up (mutually) after nine years together. Then, in what I thought was a power woman move, I quit my job without having a new one to go to. (It was either that or become ill with stress.) Here I sit, six months unemployed, and I have lost almost all faith that I will ever find a job, that I will figure out who I actually am and I just want to crawl up into a ball on the floor and stay there...
I am graduating from High School in 7 weeks and I have this perpetual fear that the colleges I get into determine my worth. I suppose it isn't a fear, it is an absorbed understanding that how much I produce or create is the material equivalent of how much worth I have as a human being. I am graduating a year early and when I applied for colleges I didn't pick the most reasonable choices. After March ended ( the month when you find out which colleges you get into) I found I hadn't been accepted into any school. I was waitlisted for two, but this blow deflated my ego and hit on an anxiety I always knew was under the surface. That college acceptance determinated how hard I have worked.
My fella & I went away for Easter & my generalised anxiety disorder put grey over everything we did. Panic attacks, discomfort, worry, self loathing. Gaslit myself horrifically the entire time. Cannot stop thinking about how i ruined the whole thing & what can I do to make it up to him. To be clear, he is super supportive & understanding, we’ve been together a long time but my brain is digging into me so hard 😢
I've been running my main photography business for the past 6 years (I photograph horses), and launched a second photography business last year to focus on fitness photography. Last year was absolutely phenomenal, I was super busy, financially stable, and on top of my game, this year has been a different story. Bookings are so low, enquiries are almost non existent, and I have people backing out and ghosting left right and centre. I am really struggling financially, and it's weighing heavier and heavier on my mind, I'm exhausted by constantly battling my own thoughts to stay positive, it feels like there's no end in sight.
With the rising cost of living, I get that what I offer is a luxury service, but that rising cost of living is making it even harder for me to simply exist. I'm trying so hard not to fall into my unhealthy coping mechanisms and keep my head above water, but it's beginning to feel impossible.
Lads, I live in Ireland and have been setting up my business for the last year. The world is so hard right now. My mam at the weekend basically told me she doesn't believe in what I'm doing so that hurt. It's also impossible to find anywhere to live at the moment in Ireland. Everything seems so hard. I know it's all about perspective but right now, my life seems so difficult.
I have been single-handedly running 6 depts, for the company I work for, for two years - I've received many comments on how amazed everyone is that one person can manage so much, secretly I've been running myself into the group because I have an uncontrollable need to please people. Two weeks my dad died following a stroke - my bosses were amazing and I've been off for just over four weeks, now I have to go back. I don't have the energy or motivation to go back to the level(s) of productivity I had before - no one has picked up any of the work I do, and I feel like I'm just supposed to pick up from where I left off - I'm never felt so overwhelmed and so sad, I miss my dad so much. I know I need to let go of my uncontrollable need to please people (it's driven me and tortured me my whole life), but I have no idea how.
I got married this friday and I have been with my head in the clouds!🥰 Still am, but I also started to realize there is still work to be done. I stopped working as a teacher recently, because everything got way to heavy and stressfull. Not working ánd also the weddingday made me realize what is important for me: being with my friends (there are all so awesome and fun), building a life with my husband (OMG first time I said that) and just enjoy little fun moments as eating nice food and sing karaoke-songs. In the next months I slowly will get to work again, but I am really nervous about that. Before the burn-out I was a real workaholic, being a good teacher was a big part of my identity and I would do anything for my school and my students and had very high demands for my worklife. I know that was the reason I got burned-out in the first place, so I really want to change myself at work, but being the passionate 'my work is my life' teacher is a lot of what I have been these past 5/6 years. So it feels like I've learned a lot, changed a lot, and these next months I've have to start practice the new work me: scarryyy, but writing about it now makes me realize I did learn a lot and I also know I am strong, I never thought I would have the courage to call in sick from work and I did. So... I guess I can also do this? Good luck everyone on this thread with this upcoming week, I love reading about your lives! We can do this: step by step, mistake by mistake, lesson by lesson❤️ You are never alone.
I have worked in a toxic educational environment for over a year in order to make sacrifices for my baby girl. I finally resigned today and have got an amazing job where she can join me in 6 months time. I'm so worried about being away from her and about making the right choice for her. I have become me by taking risks and developing resilience and I know my Bubba is a strong cookie but man I can spend my life worrying about choices I make which affect her. Intentional parenting is hard but worth it.
I've been worried about my health and at the same time, I have to go through the process of changing internet companies because my current one has left me without wifi for almost two weeks (I'm using ethernet to write this). They wear me down until there is nothing left. Plus, they have been abusive towards me. I am seeing my doctor this week though and I need some strength to get through these internet problems. I admit I have enjoyed reading more because the internet is down, but I also work from home as a freelancer, so that adds to my stress
This is more a constant worry for me, but over the past year I've been trying to explain to my partner of 8 years that I have changed a lot and have different needs now. Unfortunately he doesn't understand how to support my new needs, and it's caused a lot of upsetting conversations that lead nowhere. Last night we finally had a break through, but I'm worried that one impactful conversation won't change things in the long run...
I was so sure of getting a traineeship placement as a lawyer in my city in Germany last week and it was an absolute nightmare for my little autistic brain when the offer didn’t come. Some document hadn’t arrived. It’s not my fault (the authorities messed up their files) but now I’m not going to be considered until in a few months’ time and even then it’s not certain I’ll get it. This has happened before and I can’t stop thinking about what I might have done differently (nothing since I’d prepared everything I needed to and I did nothing wrong). The uncertainty of it all is killing me. I applied for this for the first time in October of 2020 and it still hasn’t worked until now. I’m going to call their offices in a few days and ask again whether there’s any chance I could get a spot for June but I’m scared they’ll say no. I know I need to stop worrying about it and that it had nothing to do with me but it feels like grief, what I’m experiencing. It’s hard. But I have a wonderfully supportive family and they check in on me a lot. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, Megan! I love everything you do. You’re simply marvellous xxx
I go back to school tomorrow and have been feeling fine. I have no motivation anymore though, I’m worried I’ll fall back or sleep in late and I have to go and act completely normal around someone who has broken my heart. I understand many of you have it worse and I truly feel better than I have done recently.
Having covid has wiped me out ,my progress with chronic health was doing really well now I'm suffering with after effects aswell as having chronic ill health 😔 but better days ahead I hope with lots of sunshine for photography 😊
I'm having a lot of worries. It's so weird. This is something I'm still really working on in my life more generally. I think this is the first time I've stopped to put any of them "to paper" so to speak, so thank you Megan for the opportunity- this community is so kind and healing.
I think I am most concerned about my body being in pain, or not being enough somehow. I have recently started seeing clients in person again which has resulted in more physical activity and also a little (or a lot more) stress on my plate in some cases. I am working with a physical therapist to improve my fitness but I still feel tired and hurty often; I guess I am judgmental of that because it's been hard for me to do my PT exercises after work, when I know these exercises are required for me to get stronger (and yes, my PT is very fat-positive and into intuitive movement, I have many choices and very minimal requirements, so I'm frustrated!!).
Attached to that is everything else. Lingering concern about my fat body destroying my self-worth or what people will think of me. A diabetes diagnosis that still fills my life with shame or stress more than I'd like. Eating disorder making it hard to eat in the morning, or throughout the day. Finances!!! Been really struggling with depression and suicidal ideation attached to that this week. Still feeling like I'm unsure if I'll ever make any forward progress in getting a higher level degree and job, much less dating... I still feel like my life is uncertain, and I'll never have a significant other or a family when it seems other women my age are happily married and popping out babies.
That is so difficult! Please give yourself time to grieve this. Don’t give up hope and also please don’t rely on intensity to define success or compatibility in future relationships. Slowly building stability and secure connections can be beautiful. You’ll get to where you need to go, and you’ll find whoever you were meant to.
You can do this, just take it slow. And I recognise this me needing to learn how to take my own advice but have fun with it. This is what I’m going to do moving forward. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it
Sending hope and hugs because I know how heavy it feels to always have to be strong. When I'm feeling this way sometimes I just need to feel my feels and have some mopey days. Sometimes nothing really cheers me up aside from bed/food/my favorite comfy shows. However things do get better and level out eventually. <3 (Sorry if its annoying to hear over and over but when you're ready to take some breaths and put the effort into things again, you'll be able to! You got this!)
Girl, I feel you. Could you find something to do that might cheer you up? Even if it’s something small, it might help you see that there is some good in the world.
It might be worth getting yourself a little MOT blood test at your local GP just to rule out whether anything medical may be making you feel low energy (auto-immune thyroid disease is my thing - it's not life threatening, just makes me absolutely shattered when I'm not on the right level of synthetic hormone to replace what my thyroid can't make). Also even if you feel like you don't have the energy for a walk, just being in the sunshine when you can, even standing outside and taking some long deep breaths can make you feel a little better.
I graduated from college about a month ago and after the joyous family visits and celebrations, I've just started to feel like I am in post-grad life! I graduated with a teaching degree and so the Spring and summer are really up in the air for me. As someone who thrives on structure (or at least that's the story I've been telling myself) I am finding the limbo space uncomfortable. I am generally having a good time but I feel this feeling of not being able to settle into what's happening right now. I'm either 5 steps ahead or two behind. My goal is to be in this limbo space with gratitude and treat it as a gift. My close friends are all moving away and I am staying around so I also feel the need to make every minute memorable. I know this is pressure I'm putting on myself. I really just need to honor where I am and that this is a precious time without putting pressure to make everyday something special. *sigh* Thanks for opening this space for us. Meg!
When I'm in doubt I try to stay really still, not physically but mentally and spiritually. Only when things outside of me settle can I see the beauty and abundance that's in my life. You and your life will be more than ok...stay calm, smile and count your blessings. Only then will you see that you ACTUALLY have so much to share with others.
It's not easy being a new graduate. People tend not to talk a lot about what it really entails. When you don't have that school structure anymore, it's hard to feel secure, but it's okay to be confused. Things will work out and you will be surprised with how they do
I’ve spent the past six months or so absolutely heartbroken and destroyed over a friendship breakup with the first people who felt like home when I moved to London – definitely one of the big loves of my life. Our breakup ended with them taking apart everything I am to point out the flaws and all the ways in which I was a horrible person, using all the resources they had to make me believe it, despite me feeling like I’d been trying so hard to make things better for months, at my expense. I’m still in pieces and I don’t know if I can make friends again, and terrified about bumping into these friends all the time.
I feel like I don’t deserve good wholesome relationships/am incapable of them, and that’s my main worry to let go of right now I think.
You are worthy! How about making a list of all the things you like about yourself. Remember times when someone said something nice about you. Even a smile from a stranger on the street counts. They see your worth and don’t even know you. When your done make a point to believe what you wrote. 💕
That is such a horrible thing to go through. It also sounds like something you've fallen "victim" to. They have been scorekeeping, ready to take you down when they get bored with you. Your "flaw" and "failing" here is that you are a nice person, who is trusting, ready and willing to love and be loved. There are far worse "faults" you could have. You are worthy of every good thing the world has to offer.
Sometimes people are just shit people, and there's not much too it. Scientifically we could assign them their labels such as Narcissists, mass hysteria, white privilege etc... whatever group they belong to.
The main thing is that you make sure you set hard spiritual, mental and emotional boundaries between you and them. Use some pagan rituals to purge their hate from your psyche...use Jesus if that's your thing. Use smudge sticks, lemongrass essential oil, prayer, affirmation, post positive stuff like Megan on social media, make another friend...make millions of friends! DELETE all evidence that those trolls existed like phone numbers. Did they give you things? Gifts? Burn them or throw them in the trash. Move to a new apartment, buy a dog or gold fish...I don't know, but cleanse your entire being from these vermin, hold your head way up fucking high...and move on (when you're ready). Oh and if they are breaking the law in what they are doing, get a protection order and call the fucking police!
Oh that sounds awful and I’m sorry this has happened! You are most definitely worthy! While it sounds a bit harsh, if they could say those things to you then they don’t sound like the right kind of friends. You deserve better. I’ve seen some of your replies and you come across a kind hearted and supportive person. Don’t believe everything they said (hard I know). Maybe write down all the things you like about yourself on postits and stick them all round your house to remind yourself and keep your head high. Sending lots of love 💜
OMG. Malicka, I’m terribly sorry that such negative words were said to you by people that you loved! I truly believe Friendship breakups are the worst heartbreak :( YOU are amazing and incredible! I know it’s much easier said than done, but take the positive words and leave the negative words, because you truly are magnificent!
I completely understand not feeling like you deserve wholesome friendships/relationships. I’ve struggled with finding the right friends for me, for my whole life and that feeling just sucks. Know that YOU are amazing and you are owed an incredible friendship!
-Marissa (vibesbymarissa on IG)
Thank you as always for giving us this space Megan!
I'm almost too hesitant to even write about this because I don't want to come across as The Negative One. These past few months have been so unstable and chaotic and I'm once again slammed with financial insecurity and the sinking feeling that I'm just not going to get myself out of this hole anytime soon. It's not for lack of trying either!
I've been trying to look into alternative career paths as a way to lift myself out of this and to empower myself to be more excited about the work I'm doing, but I haven't had much success and it's starting to wear me out. I also happened to get hit with a nasty bout of covid right as I was finally getting into the groove sending out applications. (And to give some context, when I was diagnosed with covid my first reaction wasn't, "Oh geeze, I need to get better," but, "Shit. Now how am I going to scrounge together enough to pay off the rest of my bills and rent." I literally CAN'T AFFORD to "get sick" and that alone has made this recovery process so much freaking harder.)
I've been freelance writing, but financially it's just not working for me (I mean, c'mon when you tell yourself you can't afford to be ill there's a capital P problem) so I've been looking into other ways I could use my journalism foundations (I have a degree) and all of the experience I garnered, and am really excited by the idea of getting an entry-level editorial position at a publishing house (preferably with childrens' or teen literature) but I keep getting stuck in the whole application process and thinking about how old I am to be trying to get into a new line of work, my lack of "the right" experience, and that I'm simply not good enough to even be considered. Applying to these jobs can be so soul sucking and I feel like it really deletes my personality.
I guess one of the things I'm trying to express here is just that I'm exhausted and wish that I had some help or some way of knowing that all this struggle will be worth it. 😣 (And if any of you lovely people happen to BE in the publishing field I would seriously be so grateful for even just five minutes of your time.)
You sound brave AF! I would be so chuffed to have a friend like you to look up to. Take pride in your ability to adapt and your creativity in problem-solving. I’m not in publishing myself but from reading these few lines, anyone who gets to publish your work should consider themselves lucky! Lots of love xx
This sounds draining af, and I'm really sorry you are stuck in this position. As you are open to practical solutions as well as support, if you debt is an issue, please look into the charity StepChange. A member of my family used them and their life was turned around by the help they got.
https://www.stepchange.org/
Thanks for this Megan, I really struggle to unwind over long weekends like this and just feel mounting pressure to catch up and get back into a productive mindset, I almost feel glad when it's over and I can get back to 'normal'. I just don't relax well! How sad is that 😬
We are all told to continue to work and work and work and be productive that relaxing is so hard!
I hope you find moments of peace and discover hobbies/things that help you relax! Coloring outside always helps me relax or even just listening to my favorite music! Much love to you!
Thank you Marissa ❤️
I'm exactly the same, it takes me the whole Easter weekend to unwind, and then when I finally do it's time to go back to work. Today my friend I wish you joy, joy so warm and explosive it permeates through your chest out into your body to the point where your bouncing with joy. We love you💕🙏🤸
Thank you for the open space to share our thoughts 🤍 Last year I’ve decided to only work part-time to have enough time to go to therapy, heal and finally figure out what I want to do with my life (mainly what job I would really like). But now the job demands much more from me than I expected and if I want to fulfill my own high expectations, I don’t find enough time and strength for much else…I feel like even my days off are not enough to restore my energy.
He Tara(-: What an encridible brave decisicion to decide to work full-time for therapy and to figure out what you want. At the moment I am almost in the same situation, I got burned-out from working as a teacher and now I try to figure out how to take care of my myself, try to work with my therapist on the high expectations I set for myself, but am also stress out about work that's starting again. I think wha I am trying to say is: you are not alone! Trying to find that balance between taking care of yourself and feeling like you are doing enough at work I think is so difficult! Maybe you can talk with someone at work about it, if you have not enough energy to take care for yourself, soon you will not have enough energy to keep up with work. Bee brave again and choose you!
I’ve been dating a guy, but I’m not sure if I fancy him or not. It’s been five months, so surely I should know. We have another date lined up this weekend and I can’t even get excited about it. But also, I’m 35, and my options have been limited up until now. What if I’m giving up too easily?
LauraM I feel you here. It is hard do know which gut to trust--you are not alone and I am sending you so much love ❤️❤️ Just know that your age is no reason to settle for something that makes you less happy--you deserve all the happiness ❤️❤️
Thank you so much! I’m going to try and get a decent nights sleep tonight, and get some headspace tomorrow and make a decision. I feel like if there’s any ounce of conflict then he’s not the one for me, but I need to be sure! 🧡🧡 why can’t this stuff be uncomplicated?
I'm 43, and let me tell you your options are NOT limited! I'm not overly attractive, but I pull them like a fisherman haha.
Look darling, I'm so proud of you for being honest about how you feel. I was never that onto it when I was your age. I spent years in relationships with people who weren't good enough for me.
At the end of the day, he doesn't do it for you. You should know this after about 4 dates...not 5 months. Good on you for not settling for less. You will know the right person for you...you will naturally gravitate towards each other without effort. If that's not this guy then maybe he's not the one don't you think?
Though you may feel like your options are limited, it's a big world out there and that may feel like it's full of unknowns, but it's also full of opportunities. It's perfectly ok to be in an asexual relationship if that's how you identify, and parties are consenting and so so, but if you also want sexual attraction from a relationship it may be worth you having a long think about whether this relationship will give you that, whether what you both want out of a relationship is aligned enough to give it a bit more time, or if you would rather be friends with this person instead, again if both parties are ok with that. If you don't feel excited to see them, then it's not a sign of failure or defeat on your part. Sometimes things just don't work out between people. It's normal, part of life, and you've no need to feel guilty or continue to date someone if you don't enjoy their company as much as you hoped you would. Your choices are your own to make, please never see yourself as limited, because you hold the power over your own life and choices.
I don’t think I’m asexual, but I’m definitely demisexual so online dating is my least favourite thing in the world. All of the men I’ve fancied before have been friends first. I’ve asked for us to take it slow, but on our second date he tried kissing me anyway. I’m not even sure if I enjoyed it, because it was over a month ago!
Online dating is such a pit of drudge, it is dreadful. I'm also 35, cis woman, definitely not asexual, and quite the introvert. I find 'chatting people up' in person totally repulsive as it bases attraction on looks alone, IMO, but this is why I actually don't mind dating apps - it gives me a chance to *really* suss someone out before deciding if I want to meet up with someone or even carry on the conversation! I gently probe about political leanings, ethical and moral leanings, what they want out of life, their interests etc. while also crucially hoping for that spark of intellegent conversation, and respect and mutual consent around communication. Because you are demisexual you may find you can use the ' getting to know each other' part via text to build a connection and filter out impatient assholes who are like 'meet up or what's the point?' . Please eff off with your lack of boundaries and respect for others! I also highly recommend Instagram accounts like 'tinder translators' - shots fired! It'll provide you with a bit of light relief to see that SO many people (and people who identify as women especially) experience the same old nonsense on those apps.
To backtrack to an important point though, trying to kiss you is a big red flag when you had already laid out your boundaries. Don't doubt or blame yourself for 'not being clear enough' as I'd suspect you may be doing. You said you'd like to take it slow and get to know them, so it was up to *you* to let them know when you were comfortable to move to physical touch, not for them to decide to try it anyway. Very disrespectful, and he disregarded your boundaries and the basic human need/right to consent. That, plus the lack of attraction and panic attack... I don't know the whole situation obviously, so I'd like to try to give benefit of the doubt but my opinion has definitely shifted to- time to cut ties with someone who ignored your boundaries. Can you see yourself getting romantically and emotionally attached to someone who did that, and caused a panic attack? Are they your friend, do you love them non-romantically in a way that you'd develop sexual feelings for them as someone who is demisexual? Only you know yourself and know whether you have strong feelings for them or not. I hope you figure it out Laura, but I'm happy to reply if you want to chat more , or just listen (read) if you need to vent with no reply required from me (and you can say if you'd rather me not reply if you just need to type stuff down to offload). X
I found your comment really helpful. I too HATE chatting up people or being chatted up, so I’m stuck behind two very hard rocks! 🤣 the guy is lovely, we have lots in common but he lives an hour away, spends most of his time playing video games and doesn’t have many friends and isn’t in close contact with his family. My family and friends are my life, I have a very fulfilling social life (despite being single for all my life, I make sure I have the best time I possibly can). He doesn’t drive, so it would be on me to do all the running around (though he’s offered to get the train to come and see me, it’s almost two hours cos we have shit public transport here).
Our lives just don’t match up, and although I could eventually like him as more than a friend, it’s not where I am right now and definitely not what he’s looking for. So I’m starting to think it’s better to explain this to him and call off the date.
He has already said he stopped using apps once we agreed to a first date, on our second date admitted he “didn’t like being single”. So I think he’s looking for something different than what I can give him.
Hey Laura! I was in a relationship with a guy that sounded pretty much exactly like what you described. I really liked him, he was sweet, lovely and keen to commit but something felt a bit off and the longer we were together the more I realised he was lovely but also a bit of a man child. And I wanted someone equal, a partner. I don’t want to project and influence your decision but if your heard and your intuition are both not in it, trust yourself.
I don’t regret dating that guy for 1,5 yrs because I learned SOO much from it. But trust yourself. You’re worthy of a brilliant partner!!
The last thing I would want to do is influence your decisions, but I hope I gave you enough of an impartial take on it all for you to weigh things up for what's best for you. If you're not into him after all this time, and have to do all the running around, and what you would like out of a relationship (maybe someone who is outgoing, is close to their family and friends, lives closer or has better transport links, is also comfortable with being single as you perhaps are moreso than him, doesn't immediately create pressure by announcing without you asking him to do so that he's deleted his dating apps...) isn't fulfilled by this particular relationship, then perhaps it is time to reassess how you feel about it continuing. I hope whichever decision you make, you don't let anyone sway you either way, and that it feels right for you. Take care. X
I had a panic attack before our last date which I ended up postponing. This is our reschedule. I don’t even get any excitement when I get a text from him, yet something is tugging me to not give up and I’ve never felt so conflicted 😩
You too Ja! We’re bad asses though, we can do this, even if we have to do it alone! 🧡🧡
I am worried about how to get through the week-I have a number of papers due, stress of a date coming up that I am not looking forward to and is causing me anxiety, and the general reality that I am a bit depressed right now and am struggling to take care of me with enough food and sleep--so trying to do all these things just feels like a lot and I feel as though I am walking around in a haze.
Oh Kat, I can’t tell you how deeply I feel you on this. It’s totally like a haze in the brain at this level. I often feel like a zombie which means I’m not getting like any joy out of anything. One of my close friends told me when I expressed this feeling to her that it can be helpful to celebrate the smaller things. That sounds easier said than done but I feel like it has helped me. I also highly recommend taking yourself to the movies and getting lost in something for a few hours. It may not seem like you have time for this, but if you can find a few hours to take for it, it always lowers my anxiety to be in a movie theater by yourself with no phone and no thoughts except the movie plot.
You got this and we’re all here supporting you! I hope you start feeling a little better soon 💖
Sending you so much love! As someone who graduated during the pandemic and struggles with adhd & depression, I absolutely feel you. How is your university’s support system? Is there a tutor or safe person in the academic staff that you can talk to about all that? If you want to message me about it, I’d be genuinely happy to try and help you work through it and find solutions. I remember all too well how difficult this time can be ♥️
thank you ❤️ I really appreciate hearing your experience. the support system is okay, but as a senior with deadlines for senior sem--the deadlines are immovable. I am seeing my therapist which is good, but trying to figure out how to "push through" when I need the good grades. I think I need to give myself grace for a class and accept that perfection isn't always in my "highest and best" but its hard. What helped you?
Is it possible for you to work out what has to be done this week and postpone/cancel everything else? Perhaps write yourself up a little timetable?
The weather is calling for a foot of snow tomorrow and I’m traveling for work. I’m worried about driving - even though I am reminding myself I have good tires and will leave myself extra time. All I can picture right now is white out conditions and slippery roads.
Drive safe Anna. Just be as careful as you can be, most likely you will be safe in any case. You can never totally predict driving conditions but you can take all the precautions you're able too...but that's all. It's ok to be scared too...the bravest people in the world are often scared...did you know that Anna? Wishing you a warm, fun safe journey xx
Thank you for your calm and reasonable message! We did get a foot of very heavy wet snow that looked like something out of a Robert Frost poem. Gorgeous drive, roads were clear and I took my time. It’s 42 and peaceful at my destination with green, green grass everywhere. Thank you again for your message!
That's great to hear! And you were fine too weren't you. Great driving skills🏎️💯
Friends with a guy for 6 years, messaging daily for 2, sleeping together as FWB for a year. We recently decided to give it a real try and date properly. It's going so well, but the cynical, emotional baggage laden part of me is whispering in the back of my head that it won't last, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been single for 7 years. It's all very new and different to me
Woow! I think that's soo wonderful that you are dating! Very excided, but so scary pfff. I think, as the others say the best thing is to discuss it together. It may seem impossible, I always find it very difficult to talk about al my feelings in my relationship, but I found a way. Usuly I say: I really would like to share something with you, but it feels vulnerable - and then enter your feelings. Difficult as hell, but worth every time!! Good luck <3
I highly recommend talking about your worries with him. He may have similar fears, or he may say the perfect thing to ease your mind for the moment. Either way, it'll feel good to get it off your chest. I know how it feels to sit quietly and worry alone. It can sap so much energy...
It’s hard to calm those thoughts! You’ve known each other for a while and obviously built a connection emotionally and physically… this sounds like a natural progression but can be scary. Maybe it’s a good time to open up a bit about how you’re feeling - talk to him or someone else you trust? Good luck in your new relationship!
I've had an eating disorder for years, and I've recently started to try for recovery. Yesterday I made a commitment to someone to eat out with them and I am SO frightened. I have no intention of calling it off - I want to do and I know it is in my own best interests, but I am so frightened. I dreamed last night that the pet rat I'd put in my mouth ran down my throat and I couldn't vomit it out to save it lol! Thanks for the vent space x
Two years ago, around now, my longtime partner ended our fraught with conflict and constantly painful relationship. We were no-contact for the first year and she’s been back in my life for about a year.
My social bubble is pretty much non-existent. She’s my only friend really. She adores my pup and walks her 3-4 times a week. We usually hang out for about an hour when they get back. We have dinner at mine every week or two. She was also there for me when I was drowning in my break-up triggered hoarding. We’re there for each other.
We were together almost 15 years, 10 of it long distance with her in England and me in Canada. While we’d met here, we would visit back and forth when we could. It was always tumultuous, always painful in some way. All of that was amplified when she finally immigrated and moved in with me. We both contributed to it the mess. With covid isolation looming, she ended it.
I’m still in love with her, while she is not with me. I still ache with the missing of physical touch, though it’s not as excruciating like it was. Not the sex even. That was so terrible and piled up with messy emotions. The cuddling. The sleeping side by side. The spooning. I’m extremely aware it would never work without an immense amount of work by us individually and as a couple, and even then. The thought of her being with someone else makes me physically sick almost hysterical. I’m obviously not over her.
Likely because it’s the two year marker, I’m grieving again. I’m angry with her. When I can sleep, I’m having bad dreams. She knows there is something wrong but I’ve shut her out.
With her permission, I’ve been using her Netflix. Last night, while trying to find something to watch, I looked at her ‘continue watching’ list and there was a documentary about sexual intimacy - with ourselves and with others. In the last couple of years we were together, it was the type of programming that I begged her to watch with me or on her own. She refused. She refused books, videos, couples counselling, individual therapy - anything that could have helped us. And here she is, watching something now. I deleted Netflix from my phone last night.
I can’t talk with her about all of this. We’ve done mountains of post break-up processing. The thoughts grinding around in my mind are ones we’ve already talked though. But, they’re still there.
I won’t see her again until Wednesday, when she comes over to walk my pup. This emotional flare-up has happened before and it usually subsided. Then we go back to hanging out and bring mostly ok.
I’m tired.
Wow, I've been reading through the comments and have decided this is the nicest place on the internet.
I'm struggling at work at the moment. My boss isn't supportive of me wanting a pay rise, even though I think I've done good work in the year and a half since my last review. Historically I've always got good feedback but I'm very insecure, and so this scenario has me wondering if I'm being gaslighted and I really do deserve a payrise, or if I'm really not that good at my job and instead I should be thankfully they pay me what they do. I am my own worst critic and this has really triggered all my "you're a failure" and "you're not good enough" stories to run rampant.
This week I need to figure out next steps, be it talk to hr, or my boss, or start job hunting etc..
Sending good vibes to everyone else here for a happy rest of your week <3
I'm currently on a long, long journey towards intuitive eating and body acceptance after nearly half a lifetime struggling with ED. I'm far along in the process, but still feel like I've not had a breakthrough yet. I struggle with living in a body that has changed a lot since I stopped restricting my food and the worry and shame are present every single day. I'm trying to really get past this hump and to the other side, feeling more confident and accepting of myself. I've been reading tons of books and listening to podcasts, but I still feel like I have so far to go and I can't seem to get unstuck. I think I need to keep remembering that it's a process, that I've come really far in the past 2 years and that I am pretty and worthy no matter my size.
Messages that promote insecurity and shame are blasting at us from all around regardless of body size. You’re in the right track reading and listening to more healthy and positive content. What else would make you feel fabulous and desirable and at home in your body? I’m sure there’s an activity you can use to channel creative positive self expression. Selfies? Yoga? Journaling? You know best. Celebrate your beautiful human self. Good luck!
You’re so brave! Look at all this good work you’re doing. What a legend. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. Fat phobia is taught to us over and over so many times every day. Saying no to it and feeling your own worth at any size is HARD. You’re doing great x
I’m currently studying in Oregon to be a pharmacist and lately I’ve been really struggling with how much weight I put into my exam scores. I think since I’ve spent a lot of my life as the “smart mature kid” that now that I’m 23 and in graduate school to be a medical professional, I put all the weight on how well I’m doing in my classes in comparison to everyone else. Fortunately for me, I am doing relatively well in the program but whenever I get a lower score on something I feel the failure deep in my chest and the imposter syndrome really sets in. Most of the time it just kind of feels like I’m a faker and that I’m not actually smart, I’ve just somehow figured out how to beat the system of American public school. It’s hard to remember I deserve all the good things that happen to me
Thank you for the space to let this stuff out. Sometimes letting it out to my classmates is effective however most of the time it almost makes me feel worse when we discuss productivity and studying and such. This space is really wonderful and I appreciate it greatly
You so deserve all good things that happen to you. And also, your worth is not at all determined by your grades, and you're not an imposter if you have not yet mastered a subject by the time an exam roles around. Keep up the good work, you're doing great by being in this program to become a pharmacist!
Thank you so much! ❤️
Thank you Megan! ♡ I am so grateful you are part of my life in this nice small way :)
My worry is that I am not going to evolve as well as I want to and that my best years and projects are past me and that I won't get to do such fun, beautiful and meaningful things again. I hope I am wrong though and that the best is yet to come...
This resonates with me. I often feel like I peeked early in life when I landed my dream job. After over a decade in my industry I'm feeling tired and less excited about it. I have new dreams though and while its been a struggle to figure out how to achieve those, things are starting to happen! New dreams and projects are on the horizon!
Lots of big life changes in the air for me and my guy, mostly good things! but very stressful things. Finding it hard to sleep which makes it hard to concentrate and be any kind of productive while "awake". Will make it through! Just hard now! <3
It sounds like you’re doing absolutely wonderfully! Big life changes can make it hard to find sleep, I feel you. As someone with adhd and insomnia as a result, I’ve found it helpful to spend just a few mins jotting down my thoughts before bed, in order to calm my thoughts? Just in case it help 😊 It sounds like you’re smashing it though!
That's a really great idea! I find my brain racing through images and situations and ideas and thoughts and to-do's when I try to sleep. Its almost like a torture race of thoughts haha! I will def remember to write stuff down tonight to calm it down <3
2021 handed my arse to me on a plate. First, my partner and I broke up (mutually) after nine years together. Then, in what I thought was a power woman move, I quit my job without having a new one to go to. (It was either that or become ill with stress.) Here I sit, six months unemployed, and I have lost almost all faith that I will ever find a job, that I will figure out who I actually am and I just want to crawl up into a ball on the floor and stay there...
I am graduating from High School in 7 weeks and I have this perpetual fear that the colleges I get into determine my worth. I suppose it isn't a fear, it is an absorbed understanding that how much I produce or create is the material equivalent of how much worth I have as a human being. I am graduating a year early and when I applied for colleges I didn't pick the most reasonable choices. After March ended ( the month when you find out which colleges you get into) I found I hadn't been accepted into any school. I was waitlisted for two, but this blow deflated my ego and hit on an anxiety I always knew was under the surface. That college acceptance determinated how hard I have worked.
Thank you Megan 🌼
My fella & I went away for Easter & my generalised anxiety disorder put grey over everything we did. Panic attacks, discomfort, worry, self loathing. Gaslit myself horrifically the entire time. Cannot stop thinking about how i ruined the whole thing & what can I do to make it up to him. To be clear, he is super supportive & understanding, we’ve been together a long time but my brain is digging into me so hard 😢
I've been running my main photography business for the past 6 years (I photograph horses), and launched a second photography business last year to focus on fitness photography. Last year was absolutely phenomenal, I was super busy, financially stable, and on top of my game, this year has been a different story. Bookings are so low, enquiries are almost non existent, and I have people backing out and ghosting left right and centre. I am really struggling financially, and it's weighing heavier and heavier on my mind, I'm exhausted by constantly battling my own thoughts to stay positive, it feels like there's no end in sight.
With the rising cost of living, I get that what I offer is a luxury service, but that rising cost of living is making it even harder for me to simply exist. I'm trying so hard not to fall into my unhealthy coping mechanisms and keep my head above water, but it's beginning to feel impossible.
Lads, I live in Ireland and have been setting up my business for the last year. The world is so hard right now. My mam at the weekend basically told me she doesn't believe in what I'm doing so that hurt. It's also impossible to find anywhere to live at the moment in Ireland. Everything seems so hard. I know it's all about perspective but right now, my life seems so difficult.
I have been single-handedly running 6 depts, for the company I work for, for two years - I've received many comments on how amazed everyone is that one person can manage so much, secretly I've been running myself into the group because I have an uncontrollable need to please people. Two weeks my dad died following a stroke - my bosses were amazing and I've been off for just over four weeks, now I have to go back. I don't have the energy or motivation to go back to the level(s) of productivity I had before - no one has picked up any of the work I do, and I feel like I'm just supposed to pick up from where I left off - I'm never felt so overwhelmed and so sad, I miss my dad so much. I know I need to let go of my uncontrollable need to please people (it's driven me and tortured me my whole life), but I have no idea how.
I got married this friday and I have been with my head in the clouds!🥰 Still am, but I also started to realize there is still work to be done. I stopped working as a teacher recently, because everything got way to heavy and stressfull. Not working ánd also the weddingday made me realize what is important for me: being with my friends (there are all so awesome and fun), building a life with my husband (OMG first time I said that) and just enjoy little fun moments as eating nice food and sing karaoke-songs. In the next months I slowly will get to work again, but I am really nervous about that. Before the burn-out I was a real workaholic, being a good teacher was a big part of my identity and I would do anything for my school and my students and had very high demands for my worklife. I know that was the reason I got burned-out in the first place, so I really want to change myself at work, but being the passionate 'my work is my life' teacher is a lot of what I have been these past 5/6 years. So it feels like I've learned a lot, changed a lot, and these next months I've have to start practice the new work me: scarryyy, but writing about it now makes me realize I did learn a lot and I also know I am strong, I never thought I would have the courage to call in sick from work and I did. So... I guess I can also do this? Good luck everyone on this thread with this upcoming week, I love reading about your lives! We can do this: step by step, mistake by mistake, lesson by lesson❤️ You are never alone.
I have worked in a toxic educational environment for over a year in order to make sacrifices for my baby girl. I finally resigned today and have got an amazing job where she can join me in 6 months time. I'm so worried about being away from her and about making the right choice for her. I have become me by taking risks and developing resilience and I know my Bubba is a strong cookie but man I can spend my life worrying about choices I make which affect her. Intentional parenting is hard but worth it.
I've been worried about my health and at the same time, I have to go through the process of changing internet companies because my current one has left me without wifi for almost two weeks (I'm using ethernet to write this). They wear me down until there is nothing left. Plus, they have been abusive towards me. I am seeing my doctor this week though and I need some strength to get through these internet problems. I admit I have enjoyed reading more because the internet is down, but I also work from home as a freelancer, so that adds to my stress
This is more a constant worry for me, but over the past year I've been trying to explain to my partner of 8 years that I have changed a lot and have different needs now. Unfortunately he doesn't understand how to support my new needs, and it's caused a lot of upsetting conversations that lead nowhere. Last night we finally had a break through, but I'm worried that one impactful conversation won't change things in the long run...
I was so sure of getting a traineeship placement as a lawyer in my city in Germany last week and it was an absolute nightmare for my little autistic brain when the offer didn’t come. Some document hadn’t arrived. It’s not my fault (the authorities messed up their files) but now I’m not going to be considered until in a few months’ time and even then it’s not certain I’ll get it. This has happened before and I can’t stop thinking about what I might have done differently (nothing since I’d prepared everything I needed to and I did nothing wrong). The uncertainty of it all is killing me. I applied for this for the first time in October of 2020 and it still hasn’t worked until now. I’m going to call their offices in a few days and ask again whether there’s any chance I could get a spot for June but I’m scared they’ll say no. I know I need to stop worrying about it and that it had nothing to do with me but it feels like grief, what I’m experiencing. It’s hard. But I have a wonderfully supportive family and they check in on me a lot. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, Megan! I love everything you do. You’re simply marvellous xxx
I go back to school tomorrow and have been feeling fine. I have no motivation anymore though, I’m worried I’ll fall back or sleep in late and I have to go and act completely normal around someone who has broken my heart. I understand many of you have it worse and I truly feel better than I have done recently.
Having covid has wiped me out ,my progress with chronic health was doing really well now I'm suffering with after effects aswell as having chronic ill health 😔 but better days ahead I hope with lots of sunshine for photography 😊
I'm having a lot of worries. It's so weird. This is something I'm still really working on in my life more generally. I think this is the first time I've stopped to put any of them "to paper" so to speak, so thank you Megan for the opportunity- this community is so kind and healing.
I think I am most concerned about my body being in pain, or not being enough somehow. I have recently started seeing clients in person again which has resulted in more physical activity and also a little (or a lot more) stress on my plate in some cases. I am working with a physical therapist to improve my fitness but I still feel tired and hurty often; I guess I am judgmental of that because it's been hard for me to do my PT exercises after work, when I know these exercises are required for me to get stronger (and yes, my PT is very fat-positive and into intuitive movement, I have many choices and very minimal requirements, so I'm frustrated!!).
Attached to that is everything else. Lingering concern about my fat body destroying my self-worth or what people will think of me. A diabetes diagnosis that still fills my life with shame or stress more than I'd like. Eating disorder making it hard to eat in the morning, or throughout the day. Finances!!! Been really struggling with depression and suicidal ideation attached to that this week. Still feeling like I'm unsure if I'll ever make any forward progress in getting a higher level degree and job, much less dating... I still feel like my life is uncertain, and I'll never have a significant other or a family when it seems other women my age are happily married and popping out babies.
That is so difficult! Please give yourself time to grieve this. Don’t give up hope and also please don’t rely on intensity to define success or compatibility in future relationships. Slowly building stability and secure connections can be beautiful. You’ll get to where you need to go, and you’ll find whoever you were meant to.
You can do this, just take it slow. And I recognise this me needing to learn how to take my own advice but have fun with it. This is what I’m going to do moving forward. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it
Sending hope and hugs because I know how heavy it feels to always have to be strong. When I'm feeling this way sometimes I just need to feel my feels and have some mopey days. Sometimes nothing really cheers me up aside from bed/food/my favorite comfy shows. However things do get better and level out eventually. <3 (Sorry if its annoying to hear over and over but when you're ready to take some breaths and put the effort into things again, you'll be able to! You got this!)
Girl, I feel you. Could you find something to do that might cheer you up? Even if it’s something small, it might help you see that there is some good in the world.
It might be worth getting yourself a little MOT blood test at your local GP just to rule out whether anything medical may be making you feel low energy (auto-immune thyroid disease is my thing - it's not life threatening, just makes me absolutely shattered when I'm not on the right level of synthetic hormone to replace what my thyroid can't make). Also even if you feel like you don't have the energy for a walk, just being in the sunshine when you can, even standing outside and taking some long deep breaths can make you feel a little better.
I hope you can find something :-( I sometimes find when I feel low, getting outside can help, if even it’s just to stand in fresh air for five minutes