“Go where you’re celebrated and not just tolerated” – random tweet I saw years ago. Have you ever tried to make friends with someone who just… Really wasn’t feeling it? Maybe you noticed that you have a lot in common, have mutual friends or move in the same circles, so you shoot your friendship shot!
I love this post and it arrived at such an apt moment for me! I appreciate that Megan expanded the problem in my head from 'I want to feel comfortable and wanted, how can I change myself within the situation to achieve that?' to 'I deserve to feel comfortable and wanted, how can I change the situation I'm in to achieve that?' 💜
I didn’t start tattooing your quotes on myself, cause I’d be running out of skin by now. Looking back at how I’ve bent and twisted to make myself more likeable, and then the one they liked wouldn’t even be me 🤣
I’m working 💯 at loving myself, and if anyone wants to join me in that, they’re welcome
Megan are you inside my head?!?! Haha! Feels like it sometimes. I’ve been thinking about this a LOT recently. You’re so right that those moments when the friendship sparks fly are magical, and are something worth waiting for. Thanks for sharing your story too. It’s such a good reminder that often that person who seems like they have it all and have all these perfect friendships often struggles with those same feelings of rejection. Sometimes I’m like “but I just KNOW that if we got to know each other they’d love me” :D And you know what, I might be right, but knowing that doesn’t change whatever space they’re in that makes them uninterested in me at the moment. Here’s to sharing our energy with the people who reciprocate with their whole energy too.
This is something I’ve been feeling for most of my life, it truly resonates how one-sided relationships feel. In my head, choosing to let go of that relationship is better, but I know that sometimes you need to stick through, because otherwise you’ll end up alone. (I’m talking about environments like schools or maybe workplaces)
Because for instance, I go to school, I have friendships in which I sometimes feel like I’m always pulling at the threads. But I know when I’ll let go of the friendship, I’ll end up alone, since most of the people have already formed their cliques and I feel like I don’t have another option than staying with the people who are “second-best” for me.
I feel this Yuki! I guess it's about finding the right middle ground for what feels good for you - I don't think any friendship is gonna be perfect or have completely matched energy all the time, but you also shouldn't ever feel like you're convincing someone to be around you who doesn't appreciate it. 💜
Thank you for your transparency. I don't think any of us imagine that's what those social media events are like. That said, I often worry that if I'm not the one to maintain relationships, if I let them fall away, I will end up alone. So very few people are willing to do that work of maintaining friendships (or heaven forbid more), that I've ended up with so few people in my life, most not in reasonable traveling distance. I guess I wish there were just someone I could have lunch with. But I'm terrible at putting myself out there bc I've been told so often that I'm too much...too loud, too heavy, too emotional, just too much. At 47, I'm not too old to learn though. I suppose it may be time to try again, without forcing anyone to tolerate me. Sigh.
This is literally any friendship I try and start. I am a friendly, funny outgoing person, but since my early twenties I don’t think I’ve made ANY significant friendships. This was massively highlighted by my lack of any mum friends, I always get left out of the mum socialising groups to the point where I’ve been in tears questioning what’s wrong with me as a person. I regularly meet people and really click but after one or two hang outs I never see them again. I’m 38 now and have just settled into the idea that I will never make any new, solid connections and am trying to accept that.
Agh, Raffy 😖 adult friendships are HARD. And I imagine even moreso when you're navigating parent life (I feel like those mum groups can be particularly spiky to manoeuvre in sometimes?). I wonder if letting go of expectation might lead to you finding connections in unexpected places - or having more energy to nourish connections that are already in your life 💜
Yeah, I’ve just been focusing on established ones and not having high expectations of things. It’s frustrating as I often meet people I feel I really click with, but I think they must not feel the same because nothing ever happens 😆
I love this post and it arrived at such an apt moment for me! I appreciate that Megan expanded the problem in my head from 'I want to feel comfortable and wanted, how can I change myself within the situation to achieve that?' to 'I deserve to feel comfortable and wanted, how can I change the situation I'm in to achieve that?' 💜
Your wisdom!!!! It’s maybe just as well
I didn’t start tattooing your quotes on myself, cause I’d be running out of skin by now. Looking back at how I’ve bent and twisted to make myself more likeable, and then the one they liked wouldn’t even be me 🤣
I’m working 💯 at loving myself, and if anyone wants to join me in that, they’re welcome
I would like to join thank u! 💜
Megan are you inside my head?!?! Haha! Feels like it sometimes. I’ve been thinking about this a LOT recently. You’re so right that those moments when the friendship sparks fly are magical, and are something worth waiting for. Thanks for sharing your story too. It’s such a good reminder that often that person who seems like they have it all and have all these perfect friendships often struggles with those same feelings of rejection. Sometimes I’m like “but I just KNOW that if we got to know each other they’d love me” :D And you know what, I might be right, but knowing that doesn’t change whatever space they’re in that makes them uninterested in me at the moment. Here’s to sharing our energy with the people who reciprocate with their whole energy too.
Yes to all of this Sophie! Reciprocated energy only! 💜
THANK YOU MEGAN <3 I am slowly trying to learn this. Life feels so much better when I go where I am wanted!
As you deserve!! 💜
This is something I’ve been feeling for most of my life, it truly resonates how one-sided relationships feel. In my head, choosing to let go of that relationship is better, but I know that sometimes you need to stick through, because otherwise you’ll end up alone. (I’m talking about environments like schools or maybe workplaces)
Because for instance, I go to school, I have friendships in which I sometimes feel like I’m always pulling at the threads. But I know when I’ll let go of the friendship, I’ll end up alone, since most of the people have already formed their cliques and I feel like I don’t have another option than staying with the people who are “second-best” for me.
Thanks for sharing this post with us 💗
I feel this Yuki! I guess it's about finding the right middle ground for what feels good for you - I don't think any friendship is gonna be perfect or have completely matched energy all the time, but you also shouldn't ever feel like you're convincing someone to be around you who doesn't appreciate it. 💜
Yeah, I guess that concludes it perfectly!
Thank you for your transparency. I don't think any of us imagine that's what those social media events are like. That said, I often worry that if I'm not the one to maintain relationships, if I let them fall away, I will end up alone. So very few people are willing to do that work of maintaining friendships (or heaven forbid more), that I've ended up with so few people in my life, most not in reasonable traveling distance. I guess I wish there were just someone I could have lunch with. But I'm terrible at putting myself out there bc I've been told so often that I'm too much...too loud, too heavy, too emotional, just too much. At 47, I'm not too old to learn though. I suppose it may be time to try again, without forcing anyone to tolerate me. Sigh.
If you’re in London, I’ll go for lunch with you. I feel the same. 💚
I'm in NJ, USA, but im ever there, sure!
Excellent! Let me know if you’re ever in town ❤️
This is literally any friendship I try and start. I am a friendly, funny outgoing person, but since my early twenties I don’t think I’ve made ANY significant friendships. This was massively highlighted by my lack of any mum friends, I always get left out of the mum socialising groups to the point where I’ve been in tears questioning what’s wrong with me as a person. I regularly meet people and really click but after one or two hang outs I never see them again. I’m 38 now and have just settled into the idea that I will never make any new, solid connections and am trying to accept that.
Agh, Raffy 😖 adult friendships are HARD. And I imagine even moreso when you're navigating parent life (I feel like those mum groups can be particularly spiky to manoeuvre in sometimes?). I wonder if letting go of expectation might lead to you finding connections in unexpected places - or having more energy to nourish connections that are already in your life 💜
Yeah, I’ve just been focusing on established ones and not having high expectations of things. It’s frustrating as I often meet people I feel I really click with, but I think they must not feel the same because nothing ever happens 😆