Today marks my first pride as my true self. This past year has been a whirlwind in so many ways, but one of the main catalysts is that, I found myself. For the first time in my life. Happy pride. I am trans ❤️🏳️⚧️
It's been a big month for me too— I've just finished my finals! I've had a challenging few years health-wise and a lot of the time I thought I'd never finish my degree. I feel a bit dazed! And thrilled that the sun is out in time to celebrate 💛
(Edited to add) But also, if I'm honest, I feel overwhelmed and uncertain. I've been in academia + cloistered by illness for long enough that I feel nervous about re-entering the world. And trying to carve out a life. The world feels enormous.
I feel this Maddy! Sounds celebratory and overwhelming at the same time and that's ok 💜 I hope you do feel so proud of yourself and recognise the magnitude of what you've achieved AND see it as evidence that you are absolutely capable of moving forwards and carving out the next path. You're a warrior and you can do anything 💜
Wow, another big monthly update! All sounds so exciting and seems like you’ve had a lot of good days with love and joy, that’s awesome.
I’ve been struggling with motivation, as well as loneliness of late. All my friends are difficult to get in contact with lately. I also sent in a resume this week, which was scary and left me with a lot of anxiety. I guess it was still an achievement and I am proud of myself for that. But it’s frustrating how difficult I find things that seem like they should be easy, like motivating myself to do things I enjoy. I guess I’ve also been attending some life drawing classes in person these last few weeks which has gotten me out of the house and talking to people, which has helped a lot, and I’m proud for that too.
Got to go have dinner now, look forward to your next update :)
You're not alone in this feeling Jo! I definitely have plenty of moments of thinking "why do I find this thing so hard that seems so easy for other people I don't get it" but the ONLY thing that helps in those times is self-compassion. It's easier to stay beating ourselves up and feeling like we're somehow broken, but I genuinely believe that being so down on ourselves about it only keeps us there for longer. It sounds like you ARE challenging yourself to do the hard things and maybe it's not all the things you feel like you should be able to do, but that doesn't make it nothing 💜 you deserve to recognise what you've done despite how hard it feels and give yourself grace and understanding. You really are doing better than you realise 💜
I hope you feel SO proud of yourself Jo, you've done these hard things even when you have not felt the best and that is so brave and badass. You're doing awesome <3
I loved my MJC mail as always. It’s always a reminder to look non the bright side of things. May sucked…like, really sucked. But June is off to a great start. I got into a day program for anxiety and women’s trauma which will last 12 weeks. It’s a massive time commitment, but I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than working towards a better, less burdened life. It’s finally fells like I’m taking care of myself instead of always caring for loved ones. So, even though it’s a tough program as far as going through all the dirty laundry and facing things that are difficult, I’m really proud of myself for following through and making the commitment to go every day for 12 weeks. It’s been a while since I put my needs first and this is the best way I can do that at this time. Feeling proud 🥹
Oh wow. Reading this gave me goosebumps because I feel genuinely so proud of you 💜 not only the energy and it takes to even find the place and apply but that commitment to yourself... Honestly is inspiring. I hope you know how much you deserve that healing and support. Keep us updated and know that we're all wishing good things for you 💜💜
What a wonderful gift to yourself. Like you said, it's a huge time commitment, but hopefully one that supports you in the best possible way. Best of luck!
Thanks for sharing the ups and downs Meg. It sounds a really busy month and I watched you on spring watch I love that programme what an honour that must of been. I've never been to Butlins that looks fun also all your workshops and dressed as a mermaid you deserve it 💎
I have been stressed myself with accommodation for uni , all things uni related really, health and life in general. I'm about to start my 30s as in 31 in 2 days time this year has to be better then previous.
Big things happening photography wise weddings etc all scary but I have vow renewal first and a big wedding and I have learnt to say no when I don't want to do things ie more weddings. I've never been a party person I get overwhelmed in big groups but this is the start of something new. I have been on the weather with my photos too. If people want to follow my journey it's Memorable Moments By Rachael Young 💖
I hope everyone else is doing well we are all in this together 💖 sending lots of love from the North xxx
Sounds like understandable things to feel stressed about Rachael! One day at a time, one "no" at a time, you're doing great and I hope you feel proud of how much you've grown in the last year 💜
So lovely to catch up, as always! I LOVED the Little Mermaid and your interview was so great! You really do have a knack for asking the right questions to open people up and I think Melissa will forever cherish that crown 👑
Not only is what you're doing enough by the way, it's pretty damn kick ass and inspiring from this perspective 💖
Last month had ups and downs for me but yesterday was my birthday which was so fun and relaxing. I went with my two best friends to an adult water park type spa and hot springs in California, and got a much deserved massage. I actually was able to take some bathing suit pictures and not totally hate myself too, which was good progress 🙂
Sounds like an absolute win Samantha! Get it!! Also a dream birthday celebration. Wishing you more of that kind of relaxation and peace! 💜 And thank you for being so lovely about the interview and everything else, it's really comforting to be affirmed in that way and I appreciate you! 🥰💜
As someone who's love language is Words I struggle sooooo much with needing external validation. But when I find myself reaching out to loved ones just to get them to validate or praise my actions I feel like I can see through myself. At first it stings to think I'm needy or selfish like that but the transparency gives me the perspective I need to recognize "this is something I've done I want feedback on, why am I seeking that? Do I already know how I feel about it?" There's nothing wrong in seeking out what you need, but confirmation from others is no substitute for confirming yourself.
It's great to hear about your month Megan. Congrats for all your work achievements and for getting through the lows <3 Can I ask what your recovery workshops covered/how they went? They sound awesome.
In May I spent more time in my garden, planting seeds and building a 'hotel' for bugs. Hope you and everyone has a lovely sun-filled June :)
More time in the garden sounds beautiful Gemma! The recovery workshops focussed on identifying+ fighting back against the eating disorder voice, channelling anger outside of self-punishment, connecting with the pre-eating disorder self and recognising that version is still within. It was a challenging workshop for everyone I think! Some were very engaged, others more resistant, which is understandable. 💜
Hello fellow gardener! I usually go with “pollinator paradise” when describing my plans so “bug hotel” made me giggle. Best wishes for healthy growth (to you and the plants) this summer.
Yessszzzz - finally upgraded to subscribed. Love that you're doing the ED recovery stuff - it's how I think of you as having started all this, when I listened to your earlier work and your descriptions of young Megan it was so clear that it was going to be a huge part of who you became.
I hate that you've been feeling shitty, but it's also kind of great to see those reminders that sometimes things just don't feel good. There doesn't need to be any precipitating event, sometimes we just feel low and then the sun comes back. Thank GOD, the actual sun is back now. No amount of Vitamin D supplements can make up for the purest joy that is the actual sunshine.
Owh Laura THANK YOU - that is a super insightful message and you're right, the recovery stuff is always gonna be where my heart is 🥰 and good lord I hear you on the sunshine!! I hope you get plenty of time basking in it, as we all deserve 💜🌞
Thanks for sharing - this was the colourful joy I needed today!
Your voicenote is spookily timely: I’m overwhelmed with the stresses of moving out and found myself in a spiral of body checking and researching how to become a better (body) version of myself.
Feeling much better today after getting a decent sleep and deciding that if I’m going to buy myself out of stress, I will do it by paying for movers, not a new outfit or supplement 😅
Butlins! That’s exactly what it’s like 🥰 Chalet is nice but you see a flea 🙁 Entertainment is good but the clothes you left to dry in the doorway get stolen 🫥 It’s a riot! Thank you for the mail- I always follow on Insta but it is lovely to hear more detail. Seriously allllllllll best thoughts for the next month for the totally wonderful you and extraordinarily cool Char xxxxxx
Hahaha yep you've nailed it Jude, that is Butlins in a nutshell! Lovely to have you here, I always feel like it's a much easier place to connect and share more vulnerable things knowing that everyone here is well intentioned and some stranger isn't just stumbling across this post and being horrible for the sake of it! Bit of a safer space 🤗 also wishing you the best possible June with lots of warmth and ease and love! 💜🌞
“We each get to decide that it’s always been enough” These words… there’s still a part of me that can’t believe this… but I’m going to have it as my mantra today and see if I can start really really living it
It’s taken me a whole week to find the right time to read/listen to your words…. They’re like a balm
In fact one of these days I’m going to treat myself to an MJC binge and revisit your gorgeous back catalogue
I always smile when I see your newsletter in my inbox. Thank you for sharing both your highs and your lows with us. It reminds me that having struggles doesn’t mean you can’t also have a lot of wonderful things in life. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to enjoy life. (Not to say that tools like therapy and such can’t be useful, but I think you know what I mean) Been going through a low spell, not gonna lie, but seeing you and others happy and succeeding after some really dark times always gives me hope. Sending much love to you, Char, and Queen Gemma ❤️
I know exactly what you mean Sophie 💜 it's like that classic saying about life being the thing that's happening when you're not looking. Or in this case, life is the thing that's happening while we're telling ourselves that we're not healed enough to be in it. Wishing you lots of ease this week 💜💜
Thank you so much for your words Megan about how we can make the decisions about whether we have done enough - this resonated so much with me, and I can see that it is resonating with many of us in the comments. Recently I've been constantly feeling disappointed in myself....rarely if ever do I feel proud of how much I've accomplished. As a result of health struggles, I often cannot get done all that I want to, so it never feels like enough. I'm learning to try to tell myself that even just making it through the day is something to be proud of, but I'm not there yet, and still very much attached to external validation to tell me whether I've done enough. Thank you for acknowledging that this is so real. Here's to continuing to try to cultivate pride in myself - and what better month for that than June! XO and love to all others in the comments
It is so very real Jane! I'm with you. Currently trying to extend compassion towards myself because I managed to sleep through my alarm (the brain meds I'm on right now make waking up very challenging!) and I'm going to be late to go visit a friend's house. But I'm doing my best with the energy I have and I'll try again tomorrow whilst being kind to myself today 💜 sending big love 😘
Aw thanks lovely! I am so grateful for your kind words. I'm 31 as of today I feel a very exciting 9 years to another big birthday or every year is a big year when you have lost years with mental and physical health I'm now making it up and won't let it stop me in my tracks from now onwards and upwards.
Every day is small steps to big ideas and big things happening. I was on the local weather for a photo again every time I almost bubble.
I'm incredibly proud of myself right now.
Thank you to all you lovely people for the kindness and compassion its really much appreciated, sending lots of love to anyone who may need a hug and the light your shining bright even in the darkest times much love fabulous people 🥰☺️💖
Today marks my first pride as my true self. This past year has been a whirlwind in so many ways, but one of the main catalysts is that, I found myself. For the first time in my life. Happy pride. I am trans ❤️🏳️⚧️
Happy Pride Jules!! I hope you feel every moment of peace and celebration and solidarity now and always 💜
I am so delighted for you that you are able to step out as your true self. Happy pride to you!
Happy Pride!!!
So happy for you Jules, happy pride!
That is amazing Jules! Happy pride <3
Congratulations! 🎉
It's been a big month for me too— I've just finished my finals! I've had a challenging few years health-wise and a lot of the time I thought I'd never finish my degree. I feel a bit dazed! And thrilled that the sun is out in time to celebrate 💛
(Edited to add) But also, if I'm honest, I feel overwhelmed and uncertain. I've been in academia + cloistered by illness for long enough that I feel nervous about re-entering the world. And trying to carve out a life. The world feels enormous.
I feel this Maddy! Sounds celebratory and overwhelming at the same time and that's ok 💜 I hope you do feel so proud of yourself and recognise the magnitude of what you've achieved AND see it as evidence that you are absolutely capable of moving forwards and carving out the next path. You're a warrior and you can do anything 💜
You're the absolute sweetest! Have a wonderful summer!
Wow, another big monthly update! All sounds so exciting and seems like you’ve had a lot of good days with love and joy, that’s awesome.
I’ve been struggling with motivation, as well as loneliness of late. All my friends are difficult to get in contact with lately. I also sent in a resume this week, which was scary and left me with a lot of anxiety. I guess it was still an achievement and I am proud of myself for that. But it’s frustrating how difficult I find things that seem like they should be easy, like motivating myself to do things I enjoy. I guess I’ve also been attending some life drawing classes in person these last few weeks which has gotten me out of the house and talking to people, which has helped a lot, and I’m proud for that too.
Got to go have dinner now, look forward to your next update :)
You're not alone in this feeling Jo! I definitely have plenty of moments of thinking "why do I find this thing so hard that seems so easy for other people I don't get it" but the ONLY thing that helps in those times is self-compassion. It's easier to stay beating ourselves up and feeling like we're somehow broken, but I genuinely believe that being so down on ourselves about it only keeps us there for longer. It sounds like you ARE challenging yourself to do the hard things and maybe it's not all the things you feel like you should be able to do, but that doesn't make it nothing 💜 you deserve to recognise what you've done despite how hard it feels and give yourself grace and understanding. You really are doing better than you realise 💜
Thanks Megan 💕 I will try to be more compassionate to myself today.
I hope you feel SO proud of yourself Jo, you've done these hard things even when you have not felt the best and that is so brave and badass. You're doing awesome <3
Thank you Gemma for your kind words :)
I loved my MJC mail as always. It’s always a reminder to look non the bright side of things. May sucked…like, really sucked. But June is off to a great start. I got into a day program for anxiety and women’s trauma which will last 12 weeks. It’s a massive time commitment, but I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than working towards a better, less burdened life. It’s finally fells like I’m taking care of myself instead of always caring for loved ones. So, even though it’s a tough program as far as going through all the dirty laundry and facing things that are difficult, I’m really proud of myself for following through and making the commitment to go every day for 12 weeks. It’s been a while since I put my needs first and this is the best way I can do that at this time. Feeling proud 🥹
Oh wow. Reading this gave me goosebumps because I feel genuinely so proud of you 💜 not only the energy and it takes to even find the place and apply but that commitment to yourself... Honestly is inspiring. I hope you know how much you deserve that healing and support. Keep us updated and know that we're all wishing good things for you 💜💜
What a wonderful gift to yourself. Like you said, it's a huge time commitment, but hopefully one that supports you in the best possible way. Best of luck!
Sending my support for your programme, you've got this and you deserve every bit of care <3
Thanks for sharing the ups and downs Meg. It sounds a really busy month and I watched you on spring watch I love that programme what an honour that must of been. I've never been to Butlins that looks fun also all your workshops and dressed as a mermaid you deserve it 💎
I have been stressed myself with accommodation for uni , all things uni related really, health and life in general. I'm about to start my 30s as in 31 in 2 days time this year has to be better then previous.
Big things happening photography wise weddings etc all scary but I have vow renewal first and a big wedding and I have learnt to say no when I don't want to do things ie more weddings. I've never been a party person I get overwhelmed in big groups but this is the start of something new. I have been on the weather with my photos too. If people want to follow my journey it's Memorable Moments By Rachael Young 💖
I hope everyone else is doing well we are all in this together 💖 sending lots of love from the North xxx
Sounds like understandable things to feel stressed about Rachael! One day at a time, one "no" at a time, you're doing great and I hope you feel proud of how much you've grown in the last year 💜
So lovely to catch up, as always! I LOVED the Little Mermaid and your interview was so great! You really do have a knack for asking the right questions to open people up and I think Melissa will forever cherish that crown 👑
Not only is what you're doing enough by the way, it's pretty damn kick ass and inspiring from this perspective 💖
Last month had ups and downs for me but yesterday was my birthday which was so fun and relaxing. I went with my two best friends to an adult water park type spa and hot springs in California, and got a much deserved massage. I actually was able to take some bathing suit pictures and not totally hate myself too, which was good progress 🙂
Sending 🩷
Sounds like an absolute win Samantha! Get it!! Also a dream birthday celebration. Wishing you more of that kind of relaxation and peace! 💜 And thank you for being so lovely about the interview and everything else, it's really comforting to be affirmed in that way and I appreciate you! 🥰💜
That’s such good progress! So good when we see how far we’ve come on something. Sounds like it was a pretty great birthday 👍
As someone who's love language is Words I struggle sooooo much with needing external validation. But when I find myself reaching out to loved ones just to get them to validate or praise my actions I feel like I can see through myself. At first it stings to think I'm needy or selfish like that but the transparency gives me the perspective I need to recognize "this is something I've done I want feedback on, why am I seeking that? Do I already know how I feel about it?" There's nothing wrong in seeking out what you need, but confirmation from others is no substitute for confirming yourself.
Speak in it Julie!! 👏🏽 Thank you for sharing, a brilliant reflection 💜
It's great to hear about your month Megan. Congrats for all your work achievements and for getting through the lows <3 Can I ask what your recovery workshops covered/how they went? They sound awesome.
In May I spent more time in my garden, planting seeds and building a 'hotel' for bugs. Hope you and everyone has a lovely sun-filled June :)
More time in the garden sounds beautiful Gemma! The recovery workshops focussed on identifying+ fighting back against the eating disorder voice, channelling anger outside of self-punishment, connecting with the pre-eating disorder self and recognising that version is still within. It was a challenging workshop for everyone I think! Some were very engaged, others more resistant, which is understandable. 💜
That sounds great and so powerful even if it's just planted a seed for them. Well done <3
Hello fellow gardener! I usually go with “pollinator paradise” when describing my plans so “bug hotel” made me giggle. Best wishes for healthy growth (to you and the plants) this summer.
Hello! Your pollinator paradise sounds awesome. Thank you and best wishes back to you too
Gardening is so lovely, was reminded of that just the other day. Hope the seeds grow big and strong and many bugs come to visit! 🐞
Yes I agree. Thank you! They are certainly showing a lot of strength despite storms and I have seen lots of bugs and pollinators so far
Yessszzzz - finally upgraded to subscribed. Love that you're doing the ED recovery stuff - it's how I think of you as having started all this, when I listened to your earlier work and your descriptions of young Megan it was so clear that it was going to be a huge part of who you became.
I hate that you've been feeling shitty, but it's also kind of great to see those reminders that sometimes things just don't feel good. There doesn't need to be any precipitating event, sometimes we just feel low and then the sun comes back. Thank GOD, the actual sun is back now. No amount of Vitamin D supplements can make up for the purest joy that is the actual sunshine.
Owh Laura THANK YOU - that is a super insightful message and you're right, the recovery stuff is always gonna be where my heart is 🥰 and good lord I hear you on the sunshine!! I hope you get plenty of time basking in it, as we all deserve 💜🌞
Thanks for sharing - this was the colourful joy I needed today!
Your voicenote is spookily timely: I’m overwhelmed with the stresses of moving out and found myself in a spiral of body checking and researching how to become a better (body) version of myself.
Feeling much better today after getting a decent sleep and deciding that if I’m going to buy myself out of stress, I will do it by paying for movers, not a new outfit or supplement 😅
Looking forward to your next update :). Xxx
YES LOU 💪🏽 I love this self-reflection and conclusion, go you for being able to see what was going on and choose another option. What a badass.
Wishing you the smoothest possible move and lots of body peace at the same time 💜
Butlins! That’s exactly what it’s like 🥰 Chalet is nice but you see a flea 🙁 Entertainment is good but the clothes you left to dry in the doorway get stolen 🫥 It’s a riot! Thank you for the mail- I always follow on Insta but it is lovely to hear more detail. Seriously allllllllll best thoughts for the next month for the totally wonderful you and extraordinarily cool Char xxxxxx
Hahaha yep you've nailed it Jude, that is Butlins in a nutshell! Lovely to have you here, I always feel like it's a much easier place to connect and share more vulnerable things knowing that everyone here is well intentioned and some stranger isn't just stumbling across this post and being horrible for the sake of it! Bit of a safer space 🤗 also wishing you the best possible June with lots of warmth and ease and love! 💜🌞
“We each get to decide that it’s always been enough” These words… there’s still a part of me that can’t believe this… but I’m going to have it as my mantra today and see if I can start really really living it
It’s taken me a whole week to find the right time to read/listen to your words…. They’re like a balm
In fact one of these days I’m going to treat myself to an MJC binge and revisit your gorgeous back catalogue
I love you, darling queen 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
I fell in love in May. It's beautiful and balanced and healthy, and I don't know what to do with myself. We've been together a month now.
Trisha 🥲 sound like you don't need to do anything except be in it 💜 you deserve the love 🌞
Enjoy time together, express your gratitude and soak it all in. Such a beautiful season to love and be loved! Best wishes to you both.
Omg thank you so much ! I'm trying to enjoy every single moment.
I always smile when I see your newsletter in my inbox. Thank you for sharing both your highs and your lows with us. It reminds me that having struggles doesn’t mean you can’t also have a lot of wonderful things in life. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to enjoy life. (Not to say that tools like therapy and such can’t be useful, but I think you know what I mean) Been going through a low spell, not gonna lie, but seeing you and others happy and succeeding after some really dark times always gives me hope. Sending much love to you, Char, and Queen Gemma ❤️
I know exactly what you mean Sophie 💜 it's like that classic saying about life being the thing that's happening when you're not looking. Or in this case, life is the thing that's happening while we're telling ourselves that we're not healed enough to be in it. Wishing you lots of ease this week 💜💜
Thank you so much for your words Megan about how we can make the decisions about whether we have done enough - this resonated so much with me, and I can see that it is resonating with many of us in the comments. Recently I've been constantly feeling disappointed in myself....rarely if ever do I feel proud of how much I've accomplished. As a result of health struggles, I often cannot get done all that I want to, so it never feels like enough. I'm learning to try to tell myself that even just making it through the day is something to be proud of, but I'm not there yet, and still very much attached to external validation to tell me whether I've done enough. Thank you for acknowledging that this is so real. Here's to continuing to try to cultivate pride in myself - and what better month for that than June! XO and love to all others in the comments
It is so very real Jane! I'm with you. Currently trying to extend compassion towards myself because I managed to sleep through my alarm (the brain meds I'm on right now make waking up very challenging!) and I'm going to be late to go visit a friend's house. But I'm doing my best with the energy I have and I'll try again tomorrow whilst being kind to myself today 💜 sending big love 😘
Aw thanks lovely! I am so grateful for your kind words. I'm 31 as of today I feel a very exciting 9 years to another big birthday or every year is a big year when you have lost years with mental and physical health I'm now making it up and won't let it stop me in my tracks from now onwards and upwards.
Every day is small steps to big ideas and big things happening. I was on the local weather for a photo again every time I almost bubble.
I'm incredibly proud of myself right now.
Thank you to all you lovely people for the kindness and compassion its really much appreciated, sending lots of love to anyone who may need a hug and the light your shining bright even in the darkest times much love fabulous people 🥰☺️💖