Today marks my first pride as my true self. This past year has been a whirlwind in so many ways, but one of the main catalysts is that, I found myself. For the first time in my life. Happy pride. I am trans ❤️🏳️⚧️
Jun 3, 2023·edited Jun 3, 2023Liked by Megan Jayne Crabbe
It's been a big month for me too— I've just finished my finals! I've had a challenging few years health-wise and a lot of the time I thought I'd never finish my degree. I feel a bit dazed! And thrilled that the sun is out in time to celebrate 💛
(Edited to add) But also, if I'm honest, I feel overwhelmed and uncertain. I've been in academia + cloistered by illness for long enough that I feel nervous about re-entering the world. And trying to carve out a life. The world feels enormous.
Jun 3, 2023·edited Jun 3, 2023Liked by Megan Jayne Crabbe
Wow, another big monthly update! All sounds so exciting and seems like you’ve had a lot of good days with love and joy, that’s awesome.
I’ve been struggling with motivation, as well as loneliness of late. All my friends are difficult to get in contact with lately. I also sent in a resume this week, which was scary and left me with a lot of anxiety. I guess it was still an achievement and I am proud of myself for that. But it’s frustrating how difficult I find things that seem like they should be easy, like motivating myself to do things I enjoy. I guess I’ve also been attending some life drawing classes in person these last few weeks which has gotten me out of the house and talking to people, which has helped a lot, and I’m proud for that too.
Got to go have dinner now, look forward to your next update :)
I loved my MJC mail as always. It’s always a reminder to look non the bright side of things. May sucked…like, really sucked. But June is off to a great start. I got into a day program for anxiety and women’s trauma which will last 12 weeks. It’s a massive time commitment, but I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than working towards a better, less burdened life. It’s finally fells like I’m taking care of myself instead of always caring for loved ones. So, even though it’s a tough program as far as going through all the dirty laundry and facing things that are difficult, I’m really proud of myself for following through and making the commitment to go every day for 12 weeks. It’s been a while since I put my needs first and this is the best way I can do that at this time. Feeling proud 🥹
Thanks for sharing the ups and downs Meg. It sounds a really busy month and I watched you on spring watch I love that programme what an honour that must of been. I've never been to Butlins that looks fun also all your workshops and dressed as a mermaid you deserve it 💎
I have been stressed myself with accommodation for uni , all things uni related really, health and life in general. I'm about to start my 30s as in 31 in 2 days time this year has to be better then previous.
Big things happening photography wise weddings etc all scary but I have vow renewal first and a big wedding and I have learnt to say no when I don't want to do things ie more weddings. I've never been a party person I get overwhelmed in big groups but this is the start of something new. I have been on the weather with my photos too. If people want to follow my journey it's Memorable Moments By Rachael Young 💖
I hope everyone else is doing well we are all in this together 💖 sending lots of love from the North xxx
So lovely to catch up, as always! I LOVED the Little Mermaid and your interview was so great! You really do have a knack for asking the right questions to open people up and I think Melissa will forever cherish that crown 👑
Not only is what you're doing enough by the way, it's pretty damn kick ass and inspiring from this perspective 💖
Last month had ups and downs for me but yesterday was my birthday which was so fun and relaxing. I went with my two best friends to an adult water park type spa and hot springs in California, and got a much deserved massage. I actually was able to take some bathing suit pictures and not totally hate myself too, which was good progress 🙂
As someone who's love language is Words I struggle sooooo much with needing external validation. But when I find myself reaching out to loved ones just to get them to validate or praise my actions I feel like I can see through myself. At first it stings to think I'm needy or selfish like that but the transparency gives me the perspective I need to recognize "this is something I've done I want feedback on, why am I seeking that? Do I already know how I feel about it?" There's nothing wrong in seeking out what you need, but confirmation from others is no substitute for confirming yourself.
It's great to hear about your month Megan. Congrats for all your work achievements and for getting through the lows <3 Can I ask what your recovery workshops covered/how they went? They sound awesome.
In May I spent more time in my garden, planting seeds and building a 'hotel' for bugs. Hope you and everyone has a lovely sun-filled June :)
Yessszzzz - finally upgraded to subscribed. Love that you're doing the ED recovery stuff - it's how I think of you as having started all this, when I listened to your earlier work and your descriptions of young Megan it was so clear that it was going to be a huge part of who you became.
I hate that you've been feeling shitty, but it's also kind of great to see those reminders that sometimes things just don't feel good. There doesn't need to be any precipitating event, sometimes we just feel low and then the sun comes back. Thank GOD, the actual sun is back now. No amount of Vitamin D supplements can make up for the purest joy that is the actual sunshine.
Thanks for sharing - this was the colourful joy I needed today!
Your voicenote is spookily timely: I’m overwhelmed with the stresses of moving out and found myself in a spiral of body checking and researching how to become a better (body) version of myself.
Feeling much better today after getting a decent sleep and deciding that if I’m going to buy myself out of stress, I will do it by paying for movers, not a new outfit or supplement 😅
Butlins! That’s exactly what it’s like 🥰 Chalet is nice but you see a flea 🙁 Entertainment is good but the clothes you left to dry in the doorway get stolen 🫥 It’s a riot! Thank you for the mail- I always follow on Insta but it is lovely to hear more detail. Seriously allllllllll best thoughts for the next month for the totally wonderful you and extraordinarily cool Char xxxxxx
“We each get to decide that it’s always been enough” These words… there’s still a part of me that can’t believe this… but I’m going to have it as my mantra today and see if I can start really really living it
It’s taken me a whole week to find the right time to read/listen to your words…. They’re like a balm
In fact one of these days I’m going to treat myself to an MJC binge and revisit your gorgeous back catalogue
I always smile when I see your newsletter in my inbox. Thank you for sharing both your highs and your lows with us. It reminds me that having struggles doesn’t mean you can’t also have a lot of wonderful things in life. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to enjoy life. (Not to say that tools like therapy and such can’t be useful, but I think you know what I mean) Been going through a low spell, not gonna lie, but seeing you and others happy and succeeding after some really dark times always gives me hope. Sending much love to you, Char, and Queen Gemma ❤️
Thank you so much for your words Megan about how we can make the decisions about whether we have done enough - this resonated so much with me, and I can see that it is resonating with many of us in the comments. Recently I've been constantly feeling disappointed in myself....rarely if ever do I feel proud of how much I've accomplished. As a result of health struggles, I often cannot get done all that I want to, so it never feels like enough. I'm learning to try to tell myself that even just making it through the day is something to be proud of, but I'm not there yet, and still very much attached to external validation to tell me whether I've done enough. Thank you for acknowledging that this is so real. Here's to continuing to try to cultivate pride in myself - and what better month for that than June! XO and love to all others in the comments
Aw thanks lovely! I am so grateful for your kind words. I'm 31 as of today I feel a very exciting 9 years to another big birthday or every year is a big year when you have lost years with mental and physical health I'm now making it up and won't let it stop me in my tracks from now onwards and upwards.
Every day is small steps to big ideas and big things happening. I was on the local weather for a photo again every time I almost bubble.
I'm incredibly proud of myself right now.
Thank you to all you lovely people for the kindness and compassion its really much appreciated, sending lots of love to anyone who may need a hug and the light your shining bright even in the darkest times much love fabulous people 🥰☺️💖
Today marks my first pride as my true self. This past year has been a whirlwind in so many ways, but one of the main catalysts is that, I found myself. For the first time in my life. Happy pride. I am trans ❤️🏳️⚧️
It's been a big month for me too— I've just finished my finals! I've had a challenging few years health-wise and a lot of the time I thought I'd never finish my degree. I feel a bit dazed! And thrilled that the sun is out in time to celebrate 💛
(Edited to add) But also, if I'm honest, I feel overwhelmed and uncertain. I've been in academia + cloistered by illness for long enough that I feel nervous about re-entering the world. And trying to carve out a life. The world feels enormous.
Wow, another big monthly update! All sounds so exciting and seems like you’ve had a lot of good days with love and joy, that’s awesome.
I’ve been struggling with motivation, as well as loneliness of late. All my friends are difficult to get in contact with lately. I also sent in a resume this week, which was scary and left me with a lot of anxiety. I guess it was still an achievement and I am proud of myself for that. But it’s frustrating how difficult I find things that seem like they should be easy, like motivating myself to do things I enjoy. I guess I’ve also been attending some life drawing classes in person these last few weeks which has gotten me out of the house and talking to people, which has helped a lot, and I’m proud for that too.
Got to go have dinner now, look forward to your next update :)
I loved my MJC mail as always. It’s always a reminder to look non the bright side of things. May sucked…like, really sucked. But June is off to a great start. I got into a day program for anxiety and women’s trauma which will last 12 weeks. It’s a massive time commitment, but I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than working towards a better, less burdened life. It’s finally fells like I’m taking care of myself instead of always caring for loved ones. So, even though it’s a tough program as far as going through all the dirty laundry and facing things that are difficult, I’m really proud of myself for following through and making the commitment to go every day for 12 weeks. It’s been a while since I put my needs first and this is the best way I can do that at this time. Feeling proud 🥹
Thanks for sharing the ups and downs Meg. It sounds a really busy month and I watched you on spring watch I love that programme what an honour that must of been. I've never been to Butlins that looks fun also all your workshops and dressed as a mermaid you deserve it 💎
I have been stressed myself with accommodation for uni , all things uni related really, health and life in general. I'm about to start my 30s as in 31 in 2 days time this year has to be better then previous.
Big things happening photography wise weddings etc all scary but I have vow renewal first and a big wedding and I have learnt to say no when I don't want to do things ie more weddings. I've never been a party person I get overwhelmed in big groups but this is the start of something new. I have been on the weather with my photos too. If people want to follow my journey it's Memorable Moments By Rachael Young 💖
I hope everyone else is doing well we are all in this together 💖 sending lots of love from the North xxx
So lovely to catch up, as always! I LOVED the Little Mermaid and your interview was so great! You really do have a knack for asking the right questions to open people up and I think Melissa will forever cherish that crown 👑
Not only is what you're doing enough by the way, it's pretty damn kick ass and inspiring from this perspective 💖
Last month had ups and downs for me but yesterday was my birthday which was so fun and relaxing. I went with my two best friends to an adult water park type spa and hot springs in California, and got a much deserved massage. I actually was able to take some bathing suit pictures and not totally hate myself too, which was good progress 🙂
Sending 🩷
As someone who's love language is Words I struggle sooooo much with needing external validation. But when I find myself reaching out to loved ones just to get them to validate or praise my actions I feel like I can see through myself. At first it stings to think I'm needy or selfish like that but the transparency gives me the perspective I need to recognize "this is something I've done I want feedback on, why am I seeking that? Do I already know how I feel about it?" There's nothing wrong in seeking out what you need, but confirmation from others is no substitute for confirming yourself.
It's great to hear about your month Megan. Congrats for all your work achievements and for getting through the lows <3 Can I ask what your recovery workshops covered/how they went? They sound awesome.
In May I spent more time in my garden, planting seeds and building a 'hotel' for bugs. Hope you and everyone has a lovely sun-filled June :)
Yessszzzz - finally upgraded to subscribed. Love that you're doing the ED recovery stuff - it's how I think of you as having started all this, when I listened to your earlier work and your descriptions of young Megan it was so clear that it was going to be a huge part of who you became.
I hate that you've been feeling shitty, but it's also kind of great to see those reminders that sometimes things just don't feel good. There doesn't need to be any precipitating event, sometimes we just feel low and then the sun comes back. Thank GOD, the actual sun is back now. No amount of Vitamin D supplements can make up for the purest joy that is the actual sunshine.
Thanks for sharing - this was the colourful joy I needed today!
Your voicenote is spookily timely: I’m overwhelmed with the stresses of moving out and found myself in a spiral of body checking and researching how to become a better (body) version of myself.
Feeling much better today after getting a decent sleep and deciding that if I’m going to buy myself out of stress, I will do it by paying for movers, not a new outfit or supplement 😅
Looking forward to your next update :). Xxx
Butlins! That’s exactly what it’s like 🥰 Chalet is nice but you see a flea 🙁 Entertainment is good but the clothes you left to dry in the doorway get stolen 🫥 It’s a riot! Thank you for the mail- I always follow on Insta but it is lovely to hear more detail. Seriously allllllllll best thoughts for the next month for the totally wonderful you and extraordinarily cool Char xxxxxx
“We each get to decide that it’s always been enough” These words… there’s still a part of me that can’t believe this… but I’m going to have it as my mantra today and see if I can start really really living it
It’s taken me a whole week to find the right time to read/listen to your words…. They’re like a balm
In fact one of these days I’m going to treat myself to an MJC binge and revisit your gorgeous back catalogue
I love you, darling queen 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
I fell in love in May. It's beautiful and balanced and healthy, and I don't know what to do with myself. We've been together a month now.
I always smile when I see your newsletter in my inbox. Thank you for sharing both your highs and your lows with us. It reminds me that having struggles doesn’t mean you can’t also have a lot of wonderful things in life. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to enjoy life. (Not to say that tools like therapy and such can’t be useful, but I think you know what I mean) Been going through a low spell, not gonna lie, but seeing you and others happy and succeeding after some really dark times always gives me hope. Sending much love to you, Char, and Queen Gemma ❤️
Thank you so much for your words Megan about how we can make the decisions about whether we have done enough - this resonated so much with me, and I can see that it is resonating with many of us in the comments. Recently I've been constantly feeling disappointed in myself....rarely if ever do I feel proud of how much I've accomplished. As a result of health struggles, I often cannot get done all that I want to, so it never feels like enough. I'm learning to try to tell myself that even just making it through the day is something to be proud of, but I'm not there yet, and still very much attached to external validation to tell me whether I've done enough. Thank you for acknowledging that this is so real. Here's to continuing to try to cultivate pride in myself - and what better month for that than June! XO and love to all others in the comments
Aw thanks lovely! I am so grateful for your kind words. I'm 31 as of today I feel a very exciting 9 years to another big birthday or every year is a big year when you have lost years with mental and physical health I'm now making it up and won't let it stop me in my tracks from now onwards and upwards.
Every day is small steps to big ideas and big things happening. I was on the local weather for a photo again every time I almost bubble.
I'm incredibly proud of myself right now.
Thank you to all you lovely people for the kindness and compassion its really much appreciated, sending lots of love to anyone who may need a hug and the light your shining bright even in the darkest times much love fabulous people 🥰☺️💖